To sleep: perchance to dream: ay, there’s the rub. 

I haven’t been able to sleep lately and it’s killing me.  I used to be the champion sleeper.  Just ask my mom.  I remember in high school to wake me up, my parents would have to come in the room, turn on the lights, and then remove my comforter from my bed to get me up.  Even when I was on my own, my natural wake up time was around 11am.  If there is one thing I can do, it’s sleep!  

Until now.

Oh, I still fall asleep, no problem.  I hop into bed with lights out and snooze away by 11pm faithfully.  But then?  Then I wake up.  Not mind racing and worried.  Not wide awake adn unable to fall back asleep.  I wake up tired and exhausted.  Blink in confusion as to why, exactly, I am awake, and then fall back asleep.  Only to wake up again, blink, fall asleep.  And repeat.  And repeat.  And repeat.  All night long.  It’s been four nights of this and I’m beginning to lose my mind.  I really need my sleep people!  These little hour and a half cat naps are killing me.   Instead of waking up all happy and refreshed, I’m more tired than ever.  It actually feels like those horrible/wonderful days when I was getting up all night with a tiny baby.  Only minus the tiny baby.

Ugh.   I don’t know what I did to break my sleep cycle but I’m regretting it.  So are the kids.  When I start to lose it, they just look at each other, nod solemnly and intone, “we broke Mom again” and then they quietly slip away to play somewhere else while I clean up the latest disaster.  However, I am an optimist at heart and I keep telling myself this is merely a phase.  This too shall pass.  And when it does, I will never take a full nights sleep for granted ever again!

I didn’t really make a New Year Resolution this year.  They tend to be too lofty and unattainable in the end.  But then I read a book called “The Gentle Art of Domesticity” and it got me thinking.  As a mom, I often find myself getting worn down by the mundane tasks of life.  The best way I can describe it is to think of a hotel.  You know those ladies walking around pushing those huge cleaning carts?  That’s my life.  I come in behind people (or kids) and clean rooms, scrub toilets and tubs, change the sheets, clean up the trash and vacuum the dirt.  Right when I get it all nice and clean, I walk out and watch it get used and abused.  The  I pull out my giant cleaning cart and start over.  Every single day.  In hotels, the cleaning and kitchen people are called the domestic staff.  It’s a dirty, icky, horrid job but someone has to do it.  And, to be honest with you, after 5 years of cleaning up after everybody else, my spirit is low.  Very low.  Domestic work is hard and boring and dirty.  And, in my case, totally unpaid!

Up until now, this has sort of been where my thinking stops.  It’s awful and I have to drag myself to do it.  But this book I just finished has the basic premise that there is a vast difference between domestic work and domesticity.  Domesticity is what makes a house a home.  It’s the difference between a hotel room and your own room.  It’s the little things that you see or touch or hear in your house that relax you and sooth you.  These are just as important (if not more so) than the clean toilet bowls and wiped counter tops.  Domesticity is fresh baked bread, a hand made quilt on the sofa,  flowers from your garden, kid art displayed on the wall.  For a home mom, it’s what keeps you sane after spending all day cleaning dishes you know will be dirty again in twelve hours. 

So I’ve decided to try and put me first a little more around the house.  Kevin and the kids are big enough to fend for themselves a bit.  Right?  I’m going to try and make sure I don’t drown in the horrors of domestic tasks.  I’m going to try and make domesticity more of a priority for my own mental health.  A girl can only wash so many loads of laundry in a row before losing her mind!  Lately I’ve been walking around the house and eyeing everything.  Tossing what is old and tired.  Marking blank spaces on walls for pictures or artwork.  Planning a new throw quilts to snuggle under.  I’ve rounded up the masses of candles I’ve bought but never used and I’m finally lighting them every day for no reason.   Throwing a bunch of flowers into the grocery basket or shining the windows so the sun is welcomed in are all high on my list now.  It isn’t easy to keep a balance between what needs to be done and what can be done but I’m trying.