Me First

I didn’t really make a New Year Resolution this year.  They tend to be too lofty and unattainable in the end.  But then I read a book called “The Gentle Art of Domesticity” and it got me thinking.  As a mom, I often find myself getting worn down by the mundane tasks of life.  The best way I can describe it is to think of a hotel.  You know those ladies walking around pushing those huge cleaning carts?  That’s my life.  I come in behind people (or kids) and clean rooms, scrub toilets and tubs, change the sheets, clean up the trash and vacuum the dirt.  Right when I get it all nice and clean, I walk out and watch it get used and abused.  The  I pull out my giant cleaning cart and start over.  Every single day.  In hotels, the cleaning and kitchen people are called the domestic staff.  It’s a dirty, icky, horrid job but someone has to do it.  And, to be honest with you, after 5 years of cleaning up after everybody else, my spirit is low.  Very low.  Domestic work is hard and boring and dirty.  And, in my case, totally unpaid!

Up until now, this has sort of been where my thinking stops.  It’s awful and I have to drag myself to do it.  But this book I just finished has the basic premise that there is a vast difference between domestic work and domesticity.  Domesticity is what makes a house a home.  It’s the difference between a hotel room and your own room.  It’s the little things that you see or touch or hear in your house that relax you and sooth you.  These are just as important (if not more so) than the clean toilet bowls and wiped counter tops.  Domesticity is fresh baked bread, a hand made quilt on the sofa,  flowers from your garden, kid art displayed on the wall.  For a home mom, it’s what keeps you sane after spending all day cleaning dishes you know will be dirty again in twelve hours. 

So I’ve decided to try and put me first a little more around the house.  Kevin and the kids are big enough to fend for themselves a bit.  Right?  I’m going to try and make sure I don’t drown in the horrors of domestic tasks.  I’m going to try and make domesticity more of a priority for my own mental health.  A girl can only wash so many loads of laundry in a row before losing her mind!  Lately I’ve been walking around the house and eyeing everything.  Tossing what is old and tired.  Marking blank spaces on walls for pictures or artwork.  Planning a new throw quilts to snuggle under.  I’ve rounded up the masses of candles I’ve bought but never used and I’m finally lighting them every day for no reason.   Throwing a bunch of flowers into the grocery basket or shining the windows so the sun is welcomed in are all high on my list now.  It isn’t easy to keep a balance between what needs to be done and what can be done but I’m trying.

2 thoughts on “Me First

  1. Erica

    Chrissie – I loved that book when I read it several months ago. And although I feel like I’m a holding pattern until I move later this year into my own place, I really want to put some thought into creating domesticity there. I think you summed it up very nicely, and even though I only have myself to clean up after, domestic work is drudgery, no matter how much of it has to be done! But I agree that if you love your space and what’s in it, surely that makes the drudgery less burdensome.

  2. Jessielme

    I haven’t read that book yet, but I’ve been meaning too. I spend my days searching for things that will sooth the drudgery of the housework problem (and I don’t even have kids to clean up after yet). Good for you for lighting candles for no reason and buying flowers. We should get enjoyment out of our cozy homes for all the hard work we put into them. It is not selfish to nourish your spirit, your SELF. Your family would suffer if you got so run down that you didn’t want to do any of it anymore.

    I recently read “The Happy Housewives,” by Darla Shine and was impressed by her encouragement to bond with one’s home – I really need to bond with mine. But much of that book was disappointing because her tone of voice was confrontational and I really couldn’t relate with her. I’ll put “The Gentle Art of Domesticity” in my reading queue.

    Oh, and don’t forget to start integrating your children (and even your husband) into the chore load as they grow. There are plenty of things you can train them to do to help lighten your load (listen to this childless woman giving advice! At least, I’ve heard that this is true *wink*). Also remember that things don’t have to be perfect. Good luck finding the balance between what needs to be done, and what CAN be done.

    Thanks for a lovely post!

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