Haven’t posted in a while because we’ve been busy spreading the good news about Baby M. When I’m not gabbing on the phone to old friends, I’m trying to appease the little monster…er… sweet thing. (My mom says I can’t call it a monster ’cause it might hurt its feelings. She, however, doesn’t have the honor of feeding the little bugger on a daily basis.)

Baby M has already gone through the whole food rejection process. It has made its preference for bland, tasteless food known in no uncertain terms. I had just gotten used to a diet of tofu, saltines, and vanilla yogurt when suddently, there were new requirements to be met.

Baby M’s latest demand is constant food. I’m talking food ingestion every 2 hours or else. I know, you’re thinking, what can a little nugget of a child do to me if I don’t eat every two hours, right? Well, first, it’s learned how to override my nervous system and I’ve begun to faint. Not much fun really. So if I don’t eat fast enough and often enough, I find the world closing in around me. My mom says I turn the most unusual color of green, I start to sweat and my hands shake. Then, the great darkness descends if I don’t sit down and remember to breathe. I quickly learned to give in to this body blackmail and, munching throughout the day, I thought peace had been re-established. But no, the little peanut decided it didn’t like the long break in food ingestion between 11pm and 8am.

Since I was sleeping, the whole fainting trick had no effect. Instead, the little turnip decided to tinker with my stomach. And so, I find myself waking every 4 hours with a gurgling, acid stomach. This is not pleasent and if ignored leads to a night spent with one’s cheek pressed against a cool porcelain toilet rim. To appease my unborn dictator, I now awake at 1am and 4am, tromp downstairs and eat a yogurt and saltine crackers. Once the little nugget is satisfied, I tromp back upstairs and proceed to try and get some sleep.

I’m a little worried about what new and exciting body trick the little noodle is going to pull next. It’s already taken from me all spicy foods and has turned me into a human eating machine. It’s not even born yet and already I’m unable to sleep through the night. I shudder to think what next month will bring.

My mother assures me that after the little bugger is born, I’ll forget all this misery. This advice would be more reassuring if I didn’t have six more months of this to look forward to. I had no idea that one little blob could cause so much trouble and it isn’t even fully developed yet. Man, am I in trouble or what?!?!