I should have been a boy scout. I make the most rip roaring fires you have ever seen. For a while, we used to let Kevin build the fires. The only problem with that method was that we kept going through boxes of matches, reams of paper, and all that would appear after an hour and a half was a bunch of ash. No fire, no coals, nada. So the other night, after swearing at the chimney for an hour, Kevin threatened to go outside, grab the BBQ lighter fluid, and douse the logs. I decided at that point Artie needed to go out. This is McLaughlin speak for “Kevin, you are upset and dangerously close to doing something stupid so go take the dog on a long walk and cool down.” So Kevin grabbed the dog and stormed out muttering under his breath. (The last time he tried to vent his anger in the house he punched his fist through the wall!)

By the time he returned thirty minutes later, there was a roaring fire going and all it took was one match and a few pieces of paper. Since then, I have been the undisputed fire starter. Last night I started it up at 7:30 and it was going strong when we went to bed four hours later. It was one of those fires where the coals are so hot they’ll burn the hair off your toes if you stand too close and are unfortunate enough to have hair growing on your toes. I had a good six logs going at one time so you could stretch out for a half hour without having to get up and play with the fire. I even got it up to 69 degrees without the help of the furnace.

I know this because for Christmas last year, I got Kevin this really neat temperature monitoring systems. We set the main unit in the living room and have remote sensors that we distribute around the house and outside. This means at any one time we can stand in our living room and determine the temperature in that room, upstairs, in the basement, outdoors, and even in the dog house if we wanted to. It’s great when you are roasting in the summer heat to figure out which room is coolest. Last night, I was trying to hit 70 but was one degree short. The only drawback is that we are tearing through our wood supply and may have to pace ourselves. Who’d have thought that a third of a cord wouldn’t be enough for a two person-two cat-one dog-family??? Next year, I want a full cord. Then I could hit 70 every night of the week. Muuuuua-ha-ha-ha-ha-hah!