So I think Kevin has been doing a little too much ebay lately since I’ve figured out how to turn him from the dark side of ebay. I’ve got him selling stuff instead of buying. Now he huddles in front of the computer working on his layout for his auction items. Trying to get the best mix of information and visual effects to convince some sucker he really wants our barely-used-almost-mint-condition thing-a-ma-bob.
And the surprising part is, he’s good. Actually, he’s better than good, he’s really good. His gimmick is free shipping. The biggest rip-off on ebay is the shipping. You watch the auction, increasing the bid .50, fighting with treklover342 over three days only to win your auction and discover the seller wants $20 to ship a book via parcel post. This makes me very very grumpy. And so Kevin, tapping into his devious used-car-salesman soul, lists his item as follows:
STARCRAFT MAC/PC – MINT CONDITION – FREE SHIPPING!!!!!
This brings them in droves. Suckers.
To date, we have made well over $100 bucks on our little selling scheme. I rummage through the basement looking for ugly wedding presents or unused computer stuff. Once located, I forward them to Kevin who reacts in horror. (“Oh no, not the pineapple shaped cigarette tray. That was given to us by my uncle’s first cousin’s neightbor. I know we’ve never even taken it out of the box in the two years we’ve been married but that doesn’t mean we won’t use it!”) After much cajoling and hand holding (and the promise that the proceeds will go toward a new Athalon XP 1800 chip), Kevin will cave to my demands and sell the offensive item online. So far, every item we’ve posted has sold for a profit. Kevin’s chip fund grows full, my basement shelves grow empty.
So why, I hear you asking me, do I think Kevin has been doing too much ebay? Well put on your dream interpretation hats boys and girls because last night I was visited by a very strange one. Here’s the skinny.
In this dream I go down to the computer room and hop on Kev’s computer. I look at his ebay site to check how our auctions are progressing and I realize he’s added a new one. This one reads :
BARELY USED-LIKE NEW- CHRISSIE 1.02- FREE SHIPPING!
In horror, I click the link to find out that Kevin has posted me online and, even worse, the auction is closed. The site counter says 15,000 hits but there were only 15-20 bids for me. The final price paid? $320. That’s right, Kevin sold me for $320, no reserve.
So at this point I’m getting frantic. In dream world, it is common knowledge that an ebay auction is legally binding and I know I can’t get out of it. My first thought is maybe it’s some one I know who bought me so I’m frantically trying to figure out who this person is. On ebay, next to a person’s name is a linked number which shows their feedback history. Using this number, you can see that last 6 months of purchases/items sold for that person. So in this dream, I’m clicking through all of the items bought/sold by this person trying to figure out who he/she is. And it’s just weird crazy stuff bought – I remember one was an automatic banana peeler. (Is there even such a thing? ) I can’t tell anything about who this person is. So I start plugging the ebay ID into Google and Yahoo hoping to discover the identity that way. Nothing. Nada. All I know is that Kevin has up to three business days to ship me off to my new home after payment is received. As I’m working the search engines, this email pops up saying Kevin’s paypay account has just been credited $320.
Now, how scary is that?
So this morning I decided two things. First, Kevin needs a break for ebay. Second, I’m going to nice to Kevin all week. (I know, I know, that’s asking a lot but I figure aim high, right?)
Any interpretations of the aforementioned dream would be greatly appreciated. And with that, I think our hour is up.