It is my belief that every girl growing up wishes she had different hair. It’s some sort of teenage rite of passage. Girls with thin straight hair long for thick curls, those with thick curly hair would do anything for smooth straight tresses. I, too, suffered through this strange phase. I remember spending hours and hours pouring over teen magazines, thumbing through articles on how to make my thick unruly hair straight and sleek. I tried every technique and gel with no success. The sad truth was that I would never have straight thin hair but I refused to believe this incontrovertible fact. This bizarre desire continues to haunt me and has caused me no end of suffering as you will see.

While my idea of perfect hair has not changed, the source of my infatuation has. Instead of teen magazines, I am drawn in by television. Almost every show on today has women with long, straight, shiny hair. After spending an hour or two watching prime time TV, I somehow manage to convince myself of two very dangerous facts.

First, that the style worn by the TV actress would look good on me and second (but perhaps more dangerous) that I can cut this style myself.

And so at the end of the show, filled with some strange sense of purpose, I grab my hair scissors and head into the bathroom to recreate the style as seen on TV. These are very dangerous words – as seen on TV – in any context. For some reason, the kitchen cleaner or vacuum sealing bags when shown in the 30 minute infomercial look wonderful. But once they arrive on your doorstep, you find yourself wondering what on earth possessed you to order them. With products, this is easily remedied with a quick trip to Goodwill or (in our case) a new auction on ebay. However, things are much different with hair.

I mean, really, a TV show is nothing more than a 30 or 60 minute infomercial. They are selling the clothing, and the make up, and the furnishing, and (in my particular case) the hairstyles. By the end of the programming, I have been convinced that I, too, need to have Rachel’s snazzy new hair cut or Buffy’s perky little bangs. Instead of reacting like a normal woman and making an appointment with a hair stylist, I take matters into my own hands. I think this is because I want it now and I don’t want to wait until next week for an appointment. Whatever the reason, about once every few months, I wander into the bathroom with a pair of scissors and the best of intentions.

The results are quite comical. So much so that my girlfriends at work have decided that certain shows are off limits to me and my impressionable hair. The real difficulties lies in the fact that I’m always coveting hairstyles that only work if you have straight, thin hair. That and the sad reality that I am not qualified to cut hair.

Anyway, waiting for Kevin last night, I flicked on the TV and there was a re-run of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. This show is on my list of things-my-too-impressionable-mind-cannot-watch but I got sucked into it anyway. Not the plot or the acting so much as Buffy’s hair. In this particular re-run she had these cute little bangs. Now, for those of you who aren’t Buffy fans, she has long, straight, blond hair. As most of you know, I have crazy, thick, brown hair. I don’t think any further explanation is necessary. Lets just say I woke up this morning wondering what happened to my hair. Then I remembered.

The TV show. The scissors.

Thank goodness hair grows quickly.