Category Archives: Kevin

On the road

Well, I’ve arrived in Japan.  Traveling for work is always fun.  I showed up at the airport and while waiting to get on the plane 3 others coworkers showed up as well.  One of them a good friend, and expierenced traveller, so once again going to a foriegn country was really easy.

 The plane ride was the usual 11 hours in a confined space.  The food didn’t suck so much though, which was nice.  But the real pleasure of international travel is the movies.  No longer are you required to crane your head to see the screen at the front of your section. Now, you get a nice in-seat personal video system and and can choose which movies you want to watch.  United’s system is kind of basic but it’s still nice to have 6 movies and a few TV shows to choose from.  Since my laptop battery only lasts 2 hours and it was just recalled on Tuesday,  I opted not work on the plane.  It was a tough decision but I don’t shy away from those big calls – I’m a “Decider” (when my wife lets me) ;).  So, since I usually get to see 5-6 movies a year, having to sit and watch 4 shows in a row was kind of a nice torture.  Here’s the breakdown:

1) The Great Debaters (Denzel Washington).  – This was a great movie.  I was expecting the typical feel good underdog kind of thing that’s just right when you’ve been up since 5am but it was actually a really good movie.  Not only a great story and acting but the characters were all really well developed and had a lot of depth.  My only regret was that it wasn’t longer.  There was so much more to the life of the characters in this small Texas town that I really wanted to see more of each one.  It did the movie good though to keep that on the periphery and focus on the story.  But still I wish this movie had been 4 hours instead of 2 – that also would have made the flight go faster!

 2. National Treasure 2: Book of Something or Other.   Why didn’t Nicholas Cage get cast as the new James Bond instead of Daniel Craig?  Just go watch this movie and you’ll know why.  Still, it was an “entertaining romp” to paraphrase Roeper (At The Movies reviewer).  and was a good popcorn flick.  If only I’d remembered to pack my microwave.  Helen Mirren (spl?) was fun though but she needed more screen time.

 3.  Walk Hard – The Dewey Cox Story – This was a Judd Aptow farce making fun of the recent singer-biopics and it was really funny.  Maybe it was the punchiness of sitting in the same seat for the last 7 hours but it was nice to not have to concentrate on a plot.  This movie just lampooned every concievable “classic” scene from a bio-pic and while there were a few misses typical of these movies, in general it worked really well and I chuckled to myself for a good 90 minutes.

 4. Enchanted – If you are a romantic / Disney-Princess loving person you have to see this movie.  If you’re not (and you know who you are Josh) then don’t.  This is the movie where a cartoon “Cinderella” character is brought to real life by the wicked step-mother Queen.  While the movie was simple and formulaic it was still very well done and cute.  I loved the fact that the main character kept breaking into song and all these real rats and pigeons would show up and all the other people in the movie would freak out.  I am actually thinking about letting Leina see it but I worry she’ll try to get chipmunks to help her clean her room.  My only complaint was Patrick Dempsey (spl?).  The man was just blah.  Really nothing there.  I don’t see what everyone likes about him.  He really doesn’t do anything for me?  I was reallly hoping for some McSteamy but I didn’t see it.  Maybe I should start watching Grey’s Anatomy?

 So there’s a breakdown of the movies seen on my flight over.  Thankfully I get to pick 4 different movies on the way back.  It almost makes air travel worth it 😉

Grumpy

Poor Kevin. He has horribly scarred Artie and feels just awful. You see, Kevin is this wonderfully sweet guy unless two things happen to him. If he is both tired and hungry, he turns into a volcano of anger just waiting to explode. He can handle tired, he can handle hungry but put them together and what have you got? A very explosive Kevin. He’s kind of like a gremlin. All cute and cuddly so long as you don’t break one simple rule. If you do, watch out!

So the other night, Kevin was tired and hungry. Artie was being a pest and was ready for this nightly stroll so Kevin hooked him up and headed out. Normally, strolling round the neighborhood with the pooch is fun. But this night, unbeknownst to Artie, Kevin was that deadly combo of tired/hungry. On top of that, Artie was very rambunctious and naughty – barking at people and darting all over the place. By the end of the walk, Kevin was even more grumpy that when he started. Unfortunately for both dog and dad, baby Wicks decided to take that moment to hang out on the drive way.

Kevin turns the corner and begins walking to the back gate. He’s tired and almost home so he probably wasn’t paying too much attention. I mean, he’s almost home free and baby Wicks is an all black cat who, at night, is almost invisible to the human eye. Unfortunately, she is still highly visible to the canine eye.

Artie saw Wicks on the driveway – Wicks saw Artie. Being a cat, she did the sensible thing and made a dash for the nearest bush. Being a dog, Artie had a Pavlovian response and lunged after her.

Now, to fully appreciate this story, you must realize two things. First, Artie is a very big (some might even say fat) dog. Second, it only takes about three bounding leaps before he is at the end of his leash. So poor unsuspecting Kevin saw a blur of black on black streak by and before you could say bibitybobityboo, Artie had hit the end of his leash and kept on going. Something had to give and that night, it Kevin was arm. More particularly the part of his arm socket that joined his shoulder to his chest.

It was too much for Kevin. The hunger, the tiredness, the whole bad walking behavior and now his arm being ripped from his socket. He blew and he blew big time. I was inside the house, watching TV and I heard the yelling. Next thing I know, Artie comes tearing through the back door, tail between his legs, and he scooches under my feet shaking. He’s scared and I don’t blame him. He was followed by a very angry Kevin who yelled about the “stupid” dog for a while. Although Kevin gets really really mad, it only lasts a few seconds and then he feels just horrible. After eating dinner and resting for a little while, he apologized to Artie and we thought all was well.

Until the next night.

Kevin finished the nightly walk and headed toward the back door. Artie (who must be part elephant which would explain not only his great memory but his weight issues) was fine until they hit the driveway. Then he suddenly lowered his head, his tail dropped and he refused to go any farther. He knew this was were poppa went open loop last time and he wanted no part in that game. Kevin managed to coax him through the door where he promptly ran into the living room and cowered under my legs. It’s been three nights and so far, Artie is still freaked out. He’s fine until Kevin takes that last turn and then he goes into scared mode and Kevin has to practically drag him into the back yard. Poor Kevin feels simply awful for traumatizing him but no matter how many treats he offers, Artie is still scared. Oddly enough, he has no problem when I walk him down the driveway. He bounces along all happy go lucky but if Kevin is holding the leash, he becomes scaredy-dog.

I don’t think Kevin fully realized how scary he is when he gets mad. But having to watch the pooch cower in fear every time they walk up the drive has really hit home. Poor Kevin.

Jailhouse Bound

Kevin’s going to jail.

Last night, as we were driving home, we pulled up to a red light. Kevin stopped and we noticed this really weird looking guy who was waiting to cross the street. He had a bag of cans and looked like your typical slightly crazy street person. I don’t think he was totally sober because when Kevin pulled up to the light, the guy kind of jumped. Then he started yelling at Kevin.

“Hey, hey, you see that,” he slurred, pointing in the generally vicinity of the cross walk. “That says WALK,” he yelled. “You gotta let me walk!”

Kevin and I just sat there, dumbfounded as the guy stopped in the middle of the street right in front of our car and began digging around in his bag of cans. It was clear he was upset with us. He was wearing an old army fatigue jacket and was missing most of his teeth. With stringy hair and wild eyes, he was quite scary looking as he rummaged through his bag. Kevin confided in me, later, that he was afraid the guy was going to pull out a gun. I thought he was looking for a bottle to hurl at us. But it turns out we were both wrong because he pulled this old flashlight out from his bag of cans and began shining it at us. First in our face, then over to the WALK sign which was now flashing DON’T WALK. Back and forth, back and forth. I guess we didn’t look sufficiently chastised because he put the flashlight down and pulled out a pencil and scrap of paper.

“I’m gonna get your license plate!” he yelled at us. “You’re going to jail!”

Of course, by this time, the light had turned green for us and the car behind us tried to pull around. Then they saw this guy standing in the middle of the road, waving his flashlight and stopped short. This, of course, made the guy mad and with his attention turned to the new car, Kevin pulled around him and drove off. I think we were speechless for a while trying to assimilate the strangeness of it all. The funny thing is, Kevin had stopped a good three feet behind the cross walk when he saw the guy crossing the street.

I can’t decide yet if I should call the police and turn him in or not. Guess that depends on how big the reward is. Hee hee.

Voting Rights

I am a big fan of democracy. So much so that I often apply the principal of “majority rules” to my own life.

For example, back in the day when Kevin and I were merely dating, we often held mini-elections over issues of contention. I had four votes and Kevin, as an independent body, had three votes. The voting would work something like this….

“Hey Kev, what do you feel life for dinner tonight?” I’d ask.

“Oh, I could really go for pizza,” he’d reply patting his stomach and smacking his lips.

“I’m not in the mood for pizza,” I’d reply, “how about Chinese?”

Kevin would scowl, “No, no, I just had Chinese last night. Pizza.”

“Chinese.”

“Pizza.”

At this point we’d realize we were at an impasse and so we’d put it to a vote. Four votes, Chinese, three votes Pizza, and the issue was decided.

Now I know what you are thinking. You’re thinking this is merely a dictatorship disguised as a democracy. Ahhh, but there you’d be wrong. How about this factual scenario….

“I’m getting hungry. What do you want for dinner?” Kevin asks me patting his stomach and smacking his lips.

“Oh, I don’t I could go for Mexican or Italian,” I reply.

“Well, which one do you want more?” Kevin asks as he hunts for his keys.

“I don’t know, I could go either way. Lets vote.”

I’m split down the middle, two votes Italian, two votes Mexican so Kevin’s three vote block easily tips the scales onto Italian and off we head for some pizza.

You see? Democracy in action.

There’s only one problem. Once our individual beings merged into the state of matrimony, Kevin believed he should be granted equal voting rights. After much debate and long diatribes, I agreed and we now have four votes apiece. This, as you can imagine, is difficult as there are often ties with no mechanism for tie breaking. My streamlined democracy is now a bit more unwieldy but this is just one of the many sacrifices I have had to learn to endure. Although I must admit it was much more fun back in the day when I held the tie breaking vote. Ah well.

But the point of this rambling is that I need a craft room. Currently, Kevin is hogging all the free space in the house. He has one room devoted entirely to his computer stuff and a second room filled with his tools and woodworking stuff. The result is there is no where for me to spread out and work. Therefore, I have decided to submit a resolution to the McLaughlin democracy. I propose that the computer room be turned into the craft room.

Voting will open at 2:25pm today and close and 2:30pm. Any vote not cast won’t count…… Think I should let him know about this? I suppose this entry is a form of public notice. I guess that’s good enough.

Well, look at that, only 4 minutes left for voting.

I’m thinking Chrissie is going to get her craft room after all……

Ebay Mania

So I think Kevin has been doing a little too much ebay lately since I’ve figured out how to turn him from the dark side of ebay. I’ve got him selling stuff instead of buying. Now he huddles in front of the computer working on his layout for his auction items. Trying to get the best mix of information and visual effects to convince some sucker he really wants our barely-used-almost-mint-condition thing-a-ma-bob.

And the surprising part is, he’s good. Actually, he’s better than good, he’s really good. His gimmick is free shipping. The biggest rip-off on ebay is the shipping. You watch the auction, increasing the bid .50, fighting with treklover342 over three days only to win your auction and discover the seller wants $20 to ship a book via parcel post. This makes me very very grumpy. And so Kevin, tapping into his devious used-car-salesman soul, lists his item as follows:

STARCRAFT MAC/PC – MINT CONDITION – FREE SHIPPING!!!!!

This brings them in droves. Suckers.

To date, we have made well over $100 bucks on our little selling scheme. I rummage through the basement looking for ugly wedding presents or unused computer stuff. Once located, I forward them to Kevin who reacts in horror. (“Oh no, not the pineapple shaped cigarette tray. That was given to us by my uncle’s first cousin’s neightbor. I know we’ve never even taken it out of the box in the two years we’ve been married but that doesn’t mean we won’t use it!”) After much cajoling and hand holding (and the promise that the proceeds will go toward a new Athalon XP 1800 chip), Kevin will cave to my demands and sell the offensive item online. So far, every item we’ve posted has sold for a profit. Kevin’s chip fund grows full, my basement shelves grow empty.

So why, I hear you asking me, do I think Kevin has been doing too much ebay? Well put on your dream interpretation hats boys and girls because last night I was visited by a very strange one. Here’s the skinny.

In this dream I go down to the computer room and hop on Kev’s computer. I look at his ebay site to check how our auctions are progressing and I realize he’s added a new one. This one reads :
BARELY USED-LIKE NEW- CHRISSIE 1.02- FREE SHIPPING!

In horror, I click the link to find out that Kevin has posted me online and, even worse, the auction is closed. The site counter says 15,000 hits but there were only 15-20 bids for me. The final price paid? $320. That’s right, Kevin sold me for $320, no reserve.

So at this point I’m getting frantic. In dream world, it is common knowledge that an ebay auction is legally binding and I know I can’t get out of it. My first thought is maybe it’s some one I know who bought me so I’m frantically trying to figure out who this person is. On ebay, next to a person’s name is a linked number which shows their feedback history. Using this number, you can see that last 6 months of purchases/items sold for that person. So in this dream, I’m clicking through all of the items bought/sold by this person trying to figure out who he/she is. And it’s just weird crazy stuff bought – I remember one was an automatic banana peeler. (Is there even such a thing? ) I can’t tell anything about who this person is. So I start plugging the ebay ID into Google and Yahoo hoping to discover the identity that way. Nothing. Nada. All I know is that Kevin has up to three business days to ship me off to my new home after payment is received. As I’m working the search engines, this email pops up saying Kevin’s paypay account has just been credited $320.

Now, how scary is that?

So this morning I decided two things. First, Kevin needs a break for ebay. Second, I’m going to nice to Kevin all week. (I know, I know, that’s asking a lot but I figure aim high, right?)

Any interpretations of the aforementioned dream would be greatly appreciated. And with that, I think our hour is up.

Kiss and Tell

Last night on the radio was a silly little country song about remembering your first kiss. I asked Kevin about his and he told me the story of walking down a snow covered street with his date for the night, holding hands, and having his first kiss. It was very sweet. I told him about sneaking off the playground with Kyle Castle and kissing in a door way in front if his friend Carl on a dare. Of course, the major difference here is that Kevin was in 11th grade and I was in 4th grade. So I’ve go about seven years more kissing experience on my resume but he’s a surprisingly fast learner so I have no complaints.

After laughing over this, we both sat quietly in the car for a moment and then Kevin turned to me and said, “I don’t remember our first kiss. Do you?”

I didn’t either.

Strange, huh? I suppose, at the time, Kevin was just some guy I had gone on a few dates with. I didn’t know that we would last through college and long after into marriage so when that first kiss did happen, I didn’t bother to savor the moment. I wish I had.

We were able to piece together some foggy recollections of an early kiss and have decided to name that the first kiss. Seems kind of strange that my most memorable kisses where with people other than my husband. In retrospect, Kevin has decided that if he could go back in time, he’d start kissing sooner. Upon further questioning, he has assured me that women were throwing themselves at him all during high school but he was too shy to put the moves on them. All I can say is if Kevin gets to go back in time to use is moves, I get to follow so I can watch. Having been the object o’ Kevin moves, I can assure you, watching Kevin playing Rico Suave in highschool would be hilarious.

Which actually leads me into a bit of a side rant. What’s wrong with cute??? I mean, every time I tell a man he’s cute, he gets all upset. “No, no,” he cried in protest “I don’t want to be cute. I want to be dangerous and mysterious and sexy. Anything but cute!” Kevin constantly become upset when he tries for sexy and I respond by squealing “oh Kevin, you are just soooo cute!” But he still insists that he is trying to jump from cute to sexy even though I much prefer cute. Silly Kevin.