Remember how I said Kevin wasn’t allowed to go and rent videos by himself? Well, I have a further expansion to that rule.

Kevin is not allowed to buy Christmas trees by himself. I am not making this up. The following story is 100% true. I even have pictures to prove it.

We waited to purchase and decorate our Christmas tree until this weekend since Kevin’s mom was coming down to visit us. Thinking it would be fun to trim the tree together, we didn’t even begin to ponder our tree purchase until Saturday around noon. Vicki was due to arrive around 1pm and we wanted to cut our own tree so it would be nice and fresh. Unfortunately, we had no idea where a local U-cut tree farm was. So Kevin opened up the paper, printed directions off of Mapquest and plotted a course to a U-cut tree farm out in Gresham. It looked to be about 30 minutes away. I didn’t want Vicki to arrive to an empty house so I decided to send Kevin on his own to buy a tree.

Now, before you start rolling your eyes and telling me I was asking for trouble, I’ll have you know that I took Kevin by the hand into the living room. I showed him the space for the tree and we measured it out. About six feet high and about three feet around. I made him repeat this back to me…twice. I also informed him that I wanted a Douglas fir. What type of tree? A Douglas fir. And so with such clear instructions I sent Kevin off with little apprehension. Oh foolish, innocent, naive girl. If I only knew.

So, THREE HOURS PASS. That’s right. Three whole hours. By now, I’ve decided that Kevin either drove to Canada for the tree or it blew off the top of the Volvo and he was stranded on the side of the road somewhere tangled up in ropes and bungee cords. I couldn’t come up with any scenario that would involve a THREE HOUR trip to a tree farm were no disaster occurred. Obviously, I underestimated Kevin.

After the THREE HOURS have passed, I see the good old Volvo pulling into the drive way. Sure enough, there’s Kevin with a tree. Now, I only saw it for a moment when he drove by the front window but even that quick glance told me something was horribly wrong. Sure enough, when I stepped outside, I realized that Kevin had bought us the Charlie Brown’s Christmas Tree.

You remember that special, right? Where poor old blockhead ends up with this sad little tree with no needles that bends over and is as pathetic as can be? Well, Kevin had managed to find just that tree in real life. And, amazingly enough, he had to go to three different tree lots to find it.

I was speechless as he untied the scrawny little thing and picked it off the roof of the car with one hand. First off, it was a Noble. Not a Douglas fir but a noble. Second, if you counted the long single branch that stuck out of the top, it came to my eye level so it was about 5 feet high and, at it’s widest, maybe two feet across.

I could only stare in wonder at this poor sad little tree. As I turned by disbelieving stare to Kevin he began to studder….”You wanted a noble, right? And you said five feet by two feet, right? Right? Chrissie, are you ok? Why aren’t you saying anything???”

What was there to say? I did the only logical thing possible in the situation and laughed till I cried. Kevin must have thought I lost my mind as he began to tell his story. He went from tree lot to tree lot looking for a 5 foot tree. Every lot owner gave him strange looks until he happened upon one final lot. The owner told him he didn’t have any trees that matched that description except for the plot he was growing for next year. Seeing Kevin’s excitement, he lead him into a 2002 christmas trees and handed him a saw. Kevin said he had his pick as no one else had taken any trees from the 2002 lot and, ignoring the strange looks the guy was giving him, Kevin proceeded to chop down this little sad tree. Looking at it I had to admit that in a year or two, it would make a fine Christmas tree but really, it was the smallest scrawniest thing I had ever seen.

Taking matters into my hands, we propped the reject tree against the fence and hopped back into the car. Five minutes later, we were at the local Catholic church lot were we picked up a beautiful 6 foot Douglas fir for $15. We took it home and decorated it beautifully.

“But what happened to the Charlie Brown tree?” you ask me wide eyed with wonder. Well, like any good story this one has a happy ending. We were going to chop it up for kindling when Vicki heard about its plight. She tromped out back and decided she’d take it home with her so, on Sunday evening, we picked up that little tree and put it in the front seat of her car. Now, she drive a 2 door Lebaron so there wasn’t exactly a lot of room but our little tree popped in no problem. That’s right, she drove home to Seattle with a shrunken noble fir in her passenger seat. That’s how small it was.

I know you don’t me believe and I don’t blame you but I took pictures. Just as soon as they are developed, you can see the Charlie Brown tree Kevin brought home. So mental note to self, on the list of things Kevin is not allowed to do solo, videos and Christmas trees are now on the top of the list.

It’s sunny today. Drat. We were on a streak and had 28 days of rain. That’s right, for the last month it has rained E-V-E-R-Y day. This means two things.

1. Great skiing.

2. Great flowers come spring.

But today, the sun is shining and the sky is blue with only white whispy clouds. It better build up tonight and rain or I’m going to be grumpy…

This may come as a shock to most people but there is a part of me, an eensy-teensy part mind you, that is a complete and total tyrant. I like to call her Empress Chrissie or EC. You do not mess with EC. If you do, she starts muttering “off with your head” and looking at you with squinty eyes. It’s scary.

I don’t know why Empress Chrissie surfaces but there are times when things Must Be. Sometimes, I’ll be walking through my living room when suddenly, I realize that the couch Must Be moved to the other wall. Or that pair of boots Must Be purchased. Or the laundry Must Be warm before folding. It does no good to argue with Empress Chrissie. She cannot hear you and logic/reason bounce off her like rain on a duck.

So last night, I came home and decided our living room Must Be decorated. Poor Kevin walked into a flurry of puffy snowmen, tangled lights, and a very grumpry Empress. You see, we didn’t have enough Christmas lights. During my first Christmas away from home, I skipped into Fred Meyer and proceed to buy 4 packages of mini-lights. I didn’t stop to think about it, just grabbed four boxes and went home. Turns out, there are TWO kinds of minilights – lights on white cord and lights on green cord. Yup, you guessed it, I had bought white cord lights for the tree. So during my apartment years, my Christmas trees were strung with lights on white cord. It looked lame but I was too cheap/disgusted with myself to go buy more lights. Now that we are homeowners, those white corded lights work wonderfully for outside. But that means, no lights left for the Christmas tree.

So after dinner, Empress Chrissie sent Kevin on a quest. He had to buy three things. Candy canes (because I was running low), dishwasher detergent, and three boxes of minilights on a green cords. Kevin realized that this was a Must Be situation and did not argue. Instead, he quietly slipped out the door and braved the crowds at Fred Meyers.

Meanwhile, Empress Chrissie finished decorating and began the laborious process of wrapping presents. She was happily singing away to John Devnver and the Muppets when Kevin called with bad news. Fred Meyer had minilights but the colors were blue, green, and purple. Would that be OK? “No,” EC explained to Kevin, “the Christmas lights Must Be red, green, blue, yellow and white. Go to another store. Do not even think about coming home until you have found them.” EC returned to the curling of ribbon.

“I’m at Home Depot and all they have are strings of solid color lights” Kevin called in twenty minutes later. “That won’t work, will it?” he asked more dejected than hopeful. For Kevin knew this was a Must Be situation, and so he trudged to yet another store looking for red, green, blue, yellow and white minilights on a green cord two weeks before Christmas.

Empress Chrissie had wrapped quite a few presents and had moved on to Harry Connick’s Christmas CD by the time Kevin returned home from his quest. She opened the box of lights and pulled them out only to discover they were red, green, blue, orange, and pink. Orange and pink??? “KEVIN!” she called in her upset Empress voice “these are not right! They are orange and pink and they Must Be yellow and white!” Poor Kevin. All he wanted was to take his cold medicine and curl up on the sofa with his dog. He wanted to argue but knew the futility of trying to abort a Must Be. He stood frozen by indecision in the hallway. Should he tell EC to just deal with it? Should he try and put her off by promising to find the right lights later? Could he face another store mobbed with shoppers?

“See”, EC pulled the plug out and popped it into a socket “these are all wrong.” She turned to point to the offensive lights but stopped.

They were beautiful!!! “Perfect!” EC cried and Kevin let a sigh of relief. “Look honey, look how pretty the pink lights are!”

And with that, Empress Chrissie melted away and Kevin and I spent a very enjoyable evening wrapping presents and rocking out to the muppets.

Next on the list is the Christmas tree. It Must Be a douglas fir, freshly cut, no high than this and no wider that that. Don’t argue with me. It Must Be.

Sidewalk-Rain Right of Way Rules by Josh Rosenbaum…

It seems simple enough but you’d be surprised how few people follow them.

Example: Its raining out, there is an awning or eve or some other non rain soaked part of the sidewalk. If two people should meet on said sidewalk, right of way goes like this:

Person with Umbrella gets out of the way (as in into the rain) for Person with a rain coat.
Raincoats get out of the way for people with a Coat with hood.
Coat with hood gets out of the way for person with coat without hood.
Coat without hood gets out of the way for person with Sweatshirt
Sweatshirt gets out of the person without a sweatshirt or less and at this point the distinctions become moot.
Now there are all the little discrepancies that I’m sure you’d bring up, for example….
What if a person with a sweatshirt with a newspaper runs across a person with nothing except a shirt, but an umbrella? Of course Newspaper trumps because that person had to pay money for the newspaper which will be ruined if it gets wet, whereas all other articles clothing on umbrella person can be washed and dried and restored to proper working order.

What if two people wearing sweatshirts arrive at an eve at the same time…
Then you say it was fate and whoever backs down gets wet. At that point call of the wild takes over and you get to see who’s dominant.

So there you go.

I must say that I agree with Josh’s logic. I cannot count the number of times I have been walking under the eves only to get pushed out into the rain by some stupid person with an unbrella who won’t yield right-of-way. I mean, they have an umbrella for Pete’s sake! So Josh, consider your message posted my friend! Comments or feedback? Email me and let your voice be heard!!!

Last night I hung out with Kat. She got A&E’s Pride and Prejudice on DVD so I had to check out the never before scenes and the interviews and other goodies. After watching the ending, we both came to the conclusion that we had each married a Mr. Bingley. No doubt about it, our husbands were nice, smiley, simple folk without a dark or brooding bone in their bodies. Now we aren’t complaining mind you, but the Mr. Darcy is quite simply something else. Sigh.

While we were sipping tea and mimicking British accents, our other halves were at my house down in the basement concocting Kat’s Christmas present. Now, they were there fore three whole hours so when I returned, I expected this huge transformation. As it turns out, they only worked for about an hour. The rest of the time was spent eating pizza, download music, and wandering the isles of Fred Meyer.

I often joke that you could lock Josh and Kevin up in a empty cell with only a spoon and three toothpicks and they could happily amuse themselves for hours. Upon further reflecting, I’m going to have to amend that saying. I think they could actually amuse themselves for days.

It’s dark and pouring rain here. I still have all my Christmas cards to write, untold numbers of presents to wrap and an entire house to decorate and it’s already Thursday. Tis the season to be jolly, right? Right???? At least I have my blog back!

And we are back!!!

No more AT&T craziness. I decided to step boldly out onto my very own domain. And it only took me two days to figure out how to make this posting work. At this rate, everything should be back to normal around….oh….mid-July? But hey, it mine, all mine.

So may I welcome you to my little home on the Internet.

(Please wipe your feet before entering.)