This may come as a shock to most people but there is a part of me, an eensy-teensy part mind you, that is a complete and total tyrant. I like to call her Empress Chrissie or EC. You do not mess with EC. If you do, she starts muttering “off with your head” and looking at you with squinty eyes. It’s scary.

I don’t know why Empress Chrissie surfaces but there are times when things Must Be. Sometimes, I’ll be walking through my living room when suddenly, I realize that the couch Must Be moved to the other wall. Or that pair of boots Must Be purchased. Or the laundry Must Be warm before folding. It does no good to argue with Empress Chrissie. She cannot hear you and logic/reason bounce off her like rain on a duck.

So last night, I came home and decided our living room Must Be decorated. Poor Kevin walked into a flurry of puffy snowmen, tangled lights, and a very grumpry Empress. You see, we didn’t have enough Christmas lights. During my first Christmas away from home, I skipped into Fred Meyer and proceed to buy 4 packages of mini-lights. I didn’t stop to think about it, just grabbed four boxes and went home. Turns out, there are TWO kinds of minilights – lights on white cord and lights on green cord. Yup, you guessed it, I had bought white cord lights for the tree. So during my apartment years, my Christmas trees were strung with lights on white cord. It looked lame but I was too cheap/disgusted with myself to go buy more lights. Now that we are homeowners, those white corded lights work wonderfully for outside. But that means, no lights left for the Christmas tree.

So after dinner, Empress Chrissie sent Kevin on a quest. He had to buy three things. Candy canes (because I was running low), dishwasher detergent, and three boxes of minilights on a green cords. Kevin realized that this was a Must Be situation and did not argue. Instead, he quietly slipped out the door and braved the crowds at Fred Meyers.

Meanwhile, Empress Chrissie finished decorating and began the laborious process of wrapping presents. She was happily singing away to John Devnver and the Muppets when Kevin called with bad news. Fred Meyer had minilights but the colors were blue, green, and purple. Would that be OK? “No,” EC explained to Kevin, “the Christmas lights Must Be red, green, blue, yellow and white. Go to another store. Do not even think about coming home until you have found them.” EC returned to the curling of ribbon.

“I’m at Home Depot and all they have are strings of solid color lights” Kevin called in twenty minutes later. “That won’t work, will it?” he asked more dejected than hopeful. For Kevin knew this was a Must Be situation, and so he trudged to yet another store looking for red, green, blue, yellow and white minilights on a green cord two weeks before Christmas.

Empress Chrissie had wrapped quite a few presents and had moved on to Harry Connick’s Christmas CD by the time Kevin returned home from his quest. She opened the box of lights and pulled them out only to discover they were red, green, blue, orange, and pink. Orange and pink??? “KEVIN!” she called in her upset Empress voice “these are not right! They are orange and pink and they Must Be yellow and white!” Poor Kevin. All he wanted was to take his cold medicine and curl up on the sofa with his dog. He wanted to argue but knew the futility of trying to abort a Must Be. He stood frozen by indecision in the hallway. Should he tell EC to just deal with it? Should he try and put her off by promising to find the right lights later? Could he face another store mobbed with shoppers?

“See”, EC pulled the plug out and popped it into a socket “these are all wrong.” She turned to point to the offensive lights but stopped.

They were beautiful!!! “Perfect!” EC cried and Kevin let a sigh of relief. “Look honey, look how pretty the pink lights are!”

And with that, Empress Chrissie melted away and Kevin and I spent a very enjoyable evening wrapping presents and rocking out to the muppets.

Next on the list is the Christmas tree. It Must Be a douglas fir, freshly cut, no high than this and no wider that that. Don’t argue with me. It Must Be.