Remember how I said Kevin wasn’t allowed to go and rent videos by himself? Well, I have a further expansion to that rule.

Kevin is not allowed to buy Christmas trees by himself. I am not making this up. The following story is 100% true. I even have pictures to prove it.

We waited to purchase and decorate our Christmas tree until this weekend since Kevin’s mom was coming down to visit us. Thinking it would be fun to trim the tree together, we didn’t even begin to ponder our tree purchase until Saturday around noon. Vicki was due to arrive around 1pm and we wanted to cut our own tree so it would be nice and fresh. Unfortunately, we had no idea where a local U-cut tree farm was. So Kevin opened up the paper, printed directions off of Mapquest and plotted a course to a U-cut tree farm out in Gresham. It looked to be about 30 minutes away. I didn’t want Vicki to arrive to an empty house so I decided to send Kevin on his own to buy a tree.

Now, before you start rolling your eyes and telling me I was asking for trouble, I’ll have you know that I took Kevin by the hand into the living room. I showed him the space for the tree and we measured it out. About six feet high and about three feet around. I made him repeat this back to me…twice. I also informed him that I wanted a Douglas fir. What type of tree? A Douglas fir. And so with such clear instructions I sent Kevin off with little apprehension. Oh foolish, innocent, naive girl. If I only knew.

So, THREE HOURS PASS. That’s right. Three whole hours. By now, I’ve decided that Kevin either drove to Canada for the tree or it blew off the top of the Volvo and he was stranded on the side of the road somewhere tangled up in ropes and bungee cords. I couldn’t come up with any scenario that would involve a THREE HOUR trip to a tree farm were no disaster occurred. Obviously, I underestimated Kevin.

After the THREE HOURS have passed, I see the good old Volvo pulling into the drive way. Sure enough, there’s Kevin with a tree. Now, I only saw it for a moment when he drove by the front window but even that quick glance told me something was horribly wrong. Sure enough, when I stepped outside, I realized that Kevin had bought us the Charlie Brown’s Christmas Tree.

You remember that special, right? Where poor old blockhead ends up with this sad little tree with no needles that bends over and is as pathetic as can be? Well, Kevin had managed to find just that tree in real life. And, amazingly enough, he had to go to three different tree lots to find it.

I was speechless as he untied the scrawny little thing and picked it off the roof of the car with one hand. First off, it was a Noble. Not a Douglas fir but a noble. Second, if you counted the long single branch that stuck out of the top, it came to my eye level so it was about 5 feet high and, at it’s widest, maybe two feet across.

I could only stare in wonder at this poor sad little tree. As I turned by disbelieving stare to Kevin he began to studder….”You wanted a noble, right? And you said five feet by two feet, right? Right? Chrissie, are you ok? Why aren’t you saying anything???”

What was there to say? I did the only logical thing possible in the situation and laughed till I cried. Kevin must have thought I lost my mind as he began to tell his story. He went from tree lot to tree lot looking for a 5 foot tree. Every lot owner gave him strange looks until he happened upon one final lot. The owner told him he didn’t have any trees that matched that description except for the plot he was growing for next year. Seeing Kevin’s excitement, he lead him into a 2002 christmas trees and handed him a saw. Kevin said he had his pick as no one else had taken any trees from the 2002 lot and, ignoring the strange looks the guy was giving him, Kevin proceeded to chop down this little sad tree. Looking at it I had to admit that in a year or two, it would make a fine Christmas tree but really, it was the smallest scrawniest thing I had ever seen.

Taking matters into my hands, we propped the reject tree against the fence and hopped back into the car. Five minutes later, we were at the local Catholic church lot were we picked up a beautiful 6 foot Douglas fir for $15. We took it home and decorated it beautifully.

“But what happened to the Charlie Brown tree?” you ask me wide eyed with wonder. Well, like any good story this one has a happy ending. We were going to chop it up for kindling when Vicki heard about its plight. She tromped out back and decided she’d take it home with her so, on Sunday evening, we picked up that little tree and put it in the front seat of her car. Now, she drive a 2 door Lebaron so there wasn’t exactly a lot of room but our little tree popped in no problem. That’s right, she drove home to Seattle with a shrunken noble fir in her passenger seat. That’s how small it was.

I know you don’t me believe and I don’t blame you but I took pictures. Just as soon as they are developed, you can see the Charlie Brown tree Kevin brought home. So mental note to self, on the list of things Kevin is not allowed to do solo, videos and Christmas trees are now on the top of the list.