The Pooka Life

So I have two stories for you today. The first is about Kevin and Star Trek and the second is about law students. I can think of no clever way to relate these two things except to say, this is my life.

KEVIN & STAR TREK:

Kevin is a Trekker. This is no to be confused with a Trekkie. If you don’t know the difference, you are probably a well adjusted person and should go here for a nice description of these terms. If you already know the distinction between these two terms then read on. Actually, now that I think about it, I vaguely remember Kevin admitting to attending a Star Trek conference back in high school so he may be a closet Trekkie. It’s rather hazy so I could be wrong about that. But anyway……

Kevin is a Trekker. He loves the original Star Trek, thinks The Next Generation is ok, actually likes watching Deep Space Nine, but never got into Voyager. (His all time favorite is Babylon 5 which they are replaying everyday in letterbox format much to my dismay.) He has, however, looked forward in eager anticipation to each new series. So last night, for those who are not up on the latest and greatest in the Roddenbury universe, was the debut of ENTERPRISE. The next series in the Star Trek universe. The twist in this series is that it is set before Captain Kirk – it documents the first Enterprise that set off at warp speed. (I think this ties in with one of the movies but I could be wrong. Every time Kevin threatens to put on a Star Trek movie, I run for my life.) But anyway….

Kevin is a Trekker. Since we were going out last night, he had to tape the premier of ENTERPRISE. This would have been ok except Kevin is also addicted to ebay. He’s like my dad – once on ebay, he is lost. He admitted this morning that he surfed around last night looking for anything he could buy that cost under $30 with shipping. That’s right, he was bidding on anything under $30 even if he didn’t want it. Any he wonders why we have credit card debt. But anyway….

Kevin is a Trekker addicted to ebay. So he runs upstairs from the basement at 7:59pm just in time to catch the starting. (He had to find out what the new intro music way going to be. He gives it 2 thumbs up by the way.) Since he’s late, he doesn’t have time to rewind the tape properly. Instead, he just pops in a tape and hits record. Then, during the first commercial break, he tries to set the VCR timer. Of course, the VCR has been unplugged recently so he first has to choose the language, then set the time and by then the show is on again. Frustrated, he decides just to let the VCR record to the end of the tape at which point it would automatically stop. This is a fine plan so long as there is enough tape. (Now, if you are smart you’ll see where this is going.) So when we get home, Kevin runs to the VCR and realizes he only managed to record the first hour of the 2 hour season premier.

Now remember, Kevin is a Trekker. The loss of the first episode of a new Star Trek series is a major blow. He stormed around the living room ranting about my stupid VCR and how it’s too hard to use and if we had his VCR this would never of happened. When Kevin starts to rant, your best defense is to hold very very still and try not to blink. After he had worn himself out, he grabbed Artie and headed for a walk to cool down and it all worked out ok.

Oh dear. I forgot my point behind this story.

Oh yes! During the first 30 minutes that we managed to watch, this alien ship crashes onto Earth and these aliens come running out firing their weapons. One alien shots this building with his laser and the whole building explodes. “Wow, that’s one power phaser.” I said. Kevin looks at me with pity and corrects me, “That’s not a phaser, Chrissie. Klignons use disruptors.”

Have I mentioned that I have a suspicion that Kevin is a Trekkie???

I guess I’ll have to save my law student story for later as there were many more tangents than planned in this story. But lets review the morals of this story:

When you unplug your VCR, take the time to reset it. You’ll thank yourself later.

Always rewind your tapes. That way, you don’t have to worry about running out when you need it.

Hold very very still and don’t blink if Kevin is on a rampage.

Kevin’s VCR is much better than mine.

And last, but not the lease important, Klingons use disruptors, not phasors. (Duh, like you didn’t know that one!)
It’s lessons like these that inspire me to keep this log. Please feel free to post you gratitude in the guestbook.

The Pooka Life

“The best thing for being sad,” replied Merlyn, beginning to puff and blow, “is to learn something. That is the only thing that never fails. You may grow old and trembling in your anatomies, you may lie awake at night listening to the disorder of your veins, you may miss your only love, you may see the world about you devastated by evil lunatics, or know your honour trampled in the sewers of baser minds. There is only one thing for it then — to learn. Learn why the world wags and what wags it. That is the only thing which the mind can never exhaust, never alienate, never be tortured by, never fear or distrust, and never dream of regretting.”

— from “The Once and Future King” by T.H. White

The Pooka Life

Warning – lovey dovey posting below.

Kevin is the best. He has the day off from work today and you know what he did? He got up early to drive me to work. Instead of lying in bed with the dog and sleeping in, he actually got up with me just to drive me downtown.

And it gets better. He has a new computer game and a brand new 40 gig hard drive he got for his birthday. Instead of spending all day plugged into the computer, he called me and asked what he could do for the day. That’s right, it’s his day off and he’s going to run errands. How wonderful is that?

I realize I tend to grip about Kev in this blog but that’s only 5% of the story. The other 95% is this wonderful person who spoils me rotten.

Did I mention he’s going to take me to lunch, go to the store, and cook dinner for me today? My husband rocks.

The Pooka Life

We rock – and by “we” I’m using the marital we. This weekend, Kevin and I became plumbers. Not just any plumbers mind you but MASTER plumbers. What? You doubt our claim to the MASTER title? Then see below…..

Last week, Kevin noticed a leak in the shower. After you turned off the water, there was a slow but persistent drip that continued from the head of the shower. We fiddled with the handle and the shower head to no avail. The drip continued to haunt us. Having no experience with plumbing, we decided to call an expert. After three missed appointments, he showed up, looked at the shower and told us that he could fix it. He’d have to cut a whole in the wall and replace a section of pipe and it would cost us $450. Four hundred a fifty dollars!!!! And get this, that didn’t include repairing the hole he cut in the wall. His suggestion was that we hang a picture over the hole if we didn’t want to pay to get it fixed. I don’t think so.

Kevin showed him to the door pretty quickly and we hunkered down to decide what to do next. It took us .00001 seconds to conclude that for $450 dollars, we’d try it ourselves. So we hit the books. Actually, it was Black & Deckers’ Home Projects 2000. For a mere $35 bucks we got a book that showed us not only how to do plumbing , but how to complete another 1999 projects with color photos. How cool is that?

So we flipped to plumbing and learned that we didn’t need to cut into the wall. All we needed to do was replace the O rings and/or cartridge in our shower. That’s right, for a mere .90 cents for new O rings and $8 bucks for a cartridge, we were on our way to a non-leaking shower. With a plan in place we leapt into action. I actually woke up at 9am on a Saturday (and yes, I am ok, no major injuries from the lack of sleep so far) and we started to work. First task, turn off the water.

And then we hit our first road bump. The book said to turn the water off at the “shut off valve”. Right, the shut off valve, and that would be where exactly? It took us an hour and a half to locate the shut off valve in the basement. The problem was, the shut off valve didn’t have a handle so we kept passing by it saying, “that can’t be it, it doesn’t have a handle.” (Duh.) After a lengthy process of elimination, we realized that HAD to be the shut off valve. Closer inspection revealed there was a handle. It was sitting right next to the valve where someone had put it after they had broken it off. That’s right, they had cranked it too hard and snapped the screw that held the handle to the valve. Kevin tried to use a wrench to turn the valve off but we learned why the handle was snapped. The shut off valve didn’t work no matter how hard you cranked.

So the gloves were off. We weren’t going to be stopped by a mere valve. We decided to go to the source. That’s right, we hit the water meter. Actually, I hit the water heater because Kevin was too squeemish to put his hands down into the muck with all the spiders and slugs. I unburied the main valve and Kevin cranked it shut, drained our pipes of water, and began operating on the shower. After a few choice cuss words and a lot of plumber’s grease, we managed to replace the valve. When the water was turned on, there was dead silence in the shower. No drip. We had succeeded!

Since it was 2pm, we decided to take a break and celebrate with lunch. It only took 5 hours and $43.08 (plus miscellaneous wrenches which we won’t count in the total since they can be used in other projects). And that, my friends, is why we are MASTER plumbers.

Bed Sneak

I have to stop drinking tea before I go to bed. It seems like a good idea to curl up with a pot of warm tea and a book or a bad made for tv movie but my poor bladder just can’t make it through the night. This wouldn’t be that big of a deal except in my crazy house.

So I’m lying in bed and it’s 4am. I’ve been having dreams where I’m trying to find a restroom but not having any luck. – – Random side note, I’m constantly amazed how your brain can take present environments and put them seamlessly into your dreams. My brain can meld buzzing alarms, radios, lawn mowers, even trash collectors into my dreams which allows me to sleep through just about anything. Ask Kevin, he can attest to this one.- – So after a few minutes of dreaming about restrooms, I decided to put my bladder out of its misery and opened my eyes.

First thing I saw was Artie. He was sitting right next to me. He’s a big dog so when he sits next to the bed, he’s eye to eye to anyone lying on the bed. Now I found this to be a little weird. I mean, why is my dog watching me at 4am??? (He was also smacking his lips but I think he was trying to get rid of his morning breath which, believe me, is pretty horrendous.) But I was pretty groggy and didn’t give it much thought. I rolled out of bed and headed for the nearest bathroom.

In my house, the master bedroom is a converted attic that takes up the entire top floor. It’s a pretty big room but there isn’t a bathroom up there. You have to go down the stairs to the main floor to find the nearest toilet. We plan on someday adding a bath upstairs but it’s pretty low on the to-do list.

Now, I believe there are two types of night people. Those who will turn on the light when they have to get up in the middle of the night and those who prefer to stumble around in the dark. I fall into the latter category. I’d rather keep the lights off and bang my shins than suffer the bright harsh light. This means, in my sleepy state, I took the stairs down to the bathroom very slowly. By the time I had gotten down the stairs, tinkled, and groped my way back to bed, it was too late. All I could think of was that line from Simon & Garfunkles’ CECLIA… I got up to wash my face, when I come back to bed someone’s taken my place…

Yup, you guessed it. Artie was sprawled out right on my side of the bed. As I said, he’s a very big dog and there simply isn’t enough room for myself, Kevin, the cats and the dog. I tried to wedge myself pack in and subtly schooch him off but he wasn’t falling for it. Since he clocks in around 90 lbs, when he wants to stay put there isn’t much you can do.

After my futile struggle to regain my spot, I did the only thing I could. I stumbled back down the stairs and slept in the guest room. Blitz joined me – she’s the only one who really loves me. Kevin didn’t start looking for me until 7:20am. What can I say, Artie is a great snuggler – obviously I wasn’t missed.

So learn from my mistakes. If you wake up in the middle of the night and find your dog watching you, whatever you do, don’t get out of bed.