I have to stop drinking tea before I go to bed. It seems like a good idea to curl up with a pot of warm tea and a book or a bad made for tv movie but my poor bladder just can’t make it through the night. This wouldn’t be that big of a deal except in my crazy house.

So I’m lying in bed and it’s 4am. I’ve been having dreams where I’m trying to find a restroom but not having any luck. – – Random side note, I’m constantly amazed how your brain can take present environments and put them seamlessly into your dreams. My brain can meld buzzing alarms, radios, lawn mowers, even trash collectors into my dreams which allows me to sleep through just about anything. Ask Kevin, he can attest to this one.- – So after a few minutes of dreaming about restrooms, I decided to put my bladder out of its misery and opened my eyes.

First thing I saw was Artie. He was sitting right next to me. He’s a big dog so when he sits next to the bed, he’s eye to eye to anyone lying on the bed. Now I found this to be a little weird. I mean, why is my dog watching me at 4am??? (He was also smacking his lips but I think he was trying to get rid of his morning breath which, believe me, is pretty horrendous.) But I was pretty groggy and didn’t give it much thought. I rolled out of bed and headed for the nearest bathroom.

In my house, the master bedroom is a converted attic that takes up the entire top floor. It’s a pretty big room but there isn’t a bathroom up there. You have to go down the stairs to the main floor to find the nearest toilet. We plan on someday adding a bath upstairs but it’s pretty low on the to-do list.

Now, I believe there are two types of night people. Those who will turn on the light when they have to get up in the middle of the night and those who prefer to stumble around in the dark. I fall into the latter category. I’d rather keep the lights off and bang my shins than suffer the bright harsh light. This means, in my sleepy state, I took the stairs down to the bathroom very slowly. By the time I had gotten down the stairs, tinkled, and groped my way back to bed, it was too late. All I could think of was that line from Simon & Garfunkles’ CECLIA… I got up to wash my face, when I come back to bed someone’s taken my place…

Yup, you guessed it. Artie was sprawled out right on my side of the bed. As I said, he’s a very big dog and there simply isn’t enough room for myself, Kevin, the cats and the dog. I tried to wedge myself pack in and subtly schooch him off but he wasn’t falling for it. Since he clocks in around 90 lbs, when he wants to stay put there isn’t much you can do.

After my futile struggle to regain my spot, I did the only thing I could. I stumbled back down the stairs and slept in the guest room. Blitz joined me – she’s the only one who really loves me. Kevin didn’t start looking for me until 7:20am. What can I say, Artie is a great snuggler – obviously I wasn’t missed.

So learn from my mistakes. If you wake up in the middle of the night and find your dog watching you, whatever you do, don’t get out of bed.