It was bound to happen. Only a matter of time really. Last week, Leina uttered the “f” word at someone and I have no one to blame but myself. I mean, honestly? I can hardly get through a sentence when babies are around with dropping an “f” bomb.

“Look at those fat cheeks!”
“I love all that baby fat!”
“Give me a big fat kiss!”

Fat, fat, fat, fat. It’s everywhere in my house. It’s a heavily used word that Leina never gave another thought to until last week. And then….

We were in the toy store and a grandma and grandson came in. “Look mom, it’s a grandma!” Leina exclamed as she walked by. “She’s fat.”

I practically died. Out loud, to her face no less. Now, grandma wasn’t svelte but she wasn’t ginormous either. I’d call her lightly padded. Of course she heard and of course I apologized but the damage was done. I whisked Leina outside and tried to explain to her the error of her way.

“Leina, honey, we don’t call people fat,” I began.

“Why not mommy?” she asked, all blue eyed innocence.

“Because it’s not a nice thing to say,” I replied.

“Why not?” Leina persisted.

“Well, honey, some people don’t like to be called fat,” and by now I’m getting a bit desperate.

“Why not?” Leina repeated, confused. “What’s wrong with being fat?”

And there it was. What is wrong with being fat? Up until now, fat was merely a descriptive term. Tall, short, thin, fat. Fat was used to describe cute baby cheeks or a large slice of cake. Up until now, there were no rules on using the word fat and I found myself conflicted. Do I teach my daughter that to be fat is bad? That thin is good? Do I teach her there is a right and a wrong as far as her body goes? Does the battle of, I hate my thighs and my butt is too big really start at age 3? Do I want her to judge someone based on size?

I’m afraid I ducked the issue and hustled her into the car. The next day, Kevin came back and reported she called another large person fat at the store so I know I need to have a talk with her but I just don’t know how. I don’t want to teach her that fat is bad but I don’t want her walking around unintentionally hurting people’s feelings. Because there isn’t anything more devastating than having a small child tell you you are fat. (I speak from personal experience here.) Because at age 3, kids call it like they see it. And there in lies the problem. Leina sees a tall person and says, “wow they are tall” and I smile. She sees someone who is fat and gets repremanded when she says, quite truthfully, “wow, that mommy is fat”. Why? Not because she’s being mean or untruthful but because we adults have decided to take something normal and make it abnormal. I mean all of us carry around some fat. We do our best to hide and god forbid anyone mention it but it’s there nonetheless.

I guess Leina will have to learn that’s it’s ok to point out the skinny mom but to hold her tongue when a fat one walks by. I guess I have to start introducing her to the wonderful world of body image. Is suppose I have to teach her that “fat” is a word she can’t use even if it’s true. Because in our society, there is something wrong with being fat. Just stand outside the dressing rooms during bathsuit season. It’s amazing how many times you’ll hear the “fat” word spat out of the mouths of very normal sized women. But I guess that’s just how the game is played and it’s time Leina learned the rules. Sigh.