I got picked up at the park yesterday.

It was beautiful out so Kev and I packed up the girls and headed to our newest park here in town. Turns out there was an LDS 4th of July picnic in progress so the place was over run with families and lots and lots of young kids. As a mom, you learn to be on constant alert in crowds. You’re watching for stray dogs, kids who push, strangers who seem too interested in your child. Every mom has had “the scare” when you turn your back for a moment and when you turn around your kid is gone or wandering off with a stranger. It’s enough to give you a grey streak a mile wide.

Kevin took Leina to the big kid play area and I cruised the kiddie swings with Kulia. While she wandered about trying to eat the ground bark, I assumed mother stance and began sweeping the play area. I marked the pusher kid, the girl with the horrible cough and green snot nose, and the two strange men wearing white shirts and black ties watching the sandbox. I was scanning the swings when I noticed someone staring at me.

In my limited experience, all pick ups start the same: eye contact. Someone catches your eye, and smiles at you. If you are interested, you smile back; if not, you look away and aviod returning the gaze. These same rules apply on the playground it seems. I was a bit surprised and looked around for Kevin but he was out of sight. One my next sweep, we locked gazes again and this time I smiled back.

This moved us onto level two. The approach.

Now, back in my 20’s, the approach usually involved sending over a drink or, my favorite, the dessert tray. While I have often wished for a drink or a piece of cake on the playground, I have yet to find a park with a bar and/or pastry case. So on the playground, the approach is all about the kids. The quickest way to get in good with a mom is through the kid. I recommend, “oh, she’s so cute! How old is she?” Or for a boy, “wow, what a climber! You must have your hands full. What’s his name?” The recipe is simple. Compliment the child followed by an open ended question. Sometimes you get slammed and the mom will answer curtly and then move to another part of the park. This is a clear sign that your overtures are not welcomed and you need to find another mom.

My admirer opened with the reliable, “she’s so cute and such a great walker, how old is she?” I had a moment of hesitation. Should I answer and then go find Kevin or stay and let the pick up rise to the next level? Kulia sealed the deal as she began to wave and flirt outrageously so I began the small chat part of the park pick up.

We exchanged the usual pleasentries. Talk about the weather, the park, the crowd. We touched on the trifecta of parents – sleeping, eating and teething – and watched our kids play with eachother. This involved handing eachother piles of bark dirt and then trying to take it back.

It wasn’t long before I got asked the dreaded question. “So, do you come here often?” This sounds innocent enough, right? But for parents, this is a loaded question. It’s the first step toward setting up a play date. If you answer “no”, that means you’re not interested in meeting up again. If you answer “yes”, then a very tentative dance begins around when you are coming next and do you want to meet and maybe bring a lunch or something. I could see it coming.

This mom wanted to go on a real play date.

I had caught her eye, our kids were the same age, we had similar views on the trifecta, and she was moving in on the kill. And while I liked her, and got a good vibe from both her and her son, I found myself hesitating. My dance card is so full right now. I’m “dating” four other moms right now and I just can’t squeeze in another. So I turned her down. When asked if I came her often, I said no. Not really.

She was a smart cookie. We politely finished up our small talk and then she packed up her son and headed off. Part of me was relieved but part of me couldn’t help a little sigh of regret.

So many moms, so little time.