I have uncontroverted proof of alien life.

The small child sleeping upstairs right now is not baby sister. Oh no, it is definately a body snatching alien from the planet Cranky.

I must say that this replicated alien baby is very life-like. To the untrained eye, it looks and sounds just like sister. However, I am not just your ordinary person. I am a Mother. As such, I have super powers. One of which is that I know every square inch of my child. And while the aliens did a very good job replicating Kulia, they made one very small mistake. Now, a normal person would not notice this minor detail but to Mom, well, it’s a giant red-flag.

This alien baby has two white swollen spots on the front of her lower jaw.

Now, my real child, Kulia, has no swollen mouth bits and it the sweetest, happiest, creature to bless this planet. The thing sleeping fitfully upstairs is a cranky, screamy little thing with tooth buds. Clearly, not my child.

Having discovered this discrepancy, I am now at a loss. How, exactly, does one contact the ET’s and demand return of your child? ‘Cause I can tell you I want my sweet baby girl back. This fussy crying baby is definately not fun. No sir.

I’ve tried aluminum foil antenia and have placed large X’s made of masking tape in sister’s window in the hopes of contacting whatever Being stole my child. I’ve heard dosing the alien intruder with Infant Tylenol and/or Motrim has, in some instances, caused the real child to be returned. Something about the alien’s metabolism being unable to synthesize the cherry flavoring in the medicine. I’ve tried both methods and so far, no help. I’m moving on to placing extremely cold objects in the alien baby’s mouth in hopes that this will trigger the return of my sweet child but if this fails, I’m out of ideas.

The good news is that, according to my sources, your child will always be returned sometime after a lunar even know as the Two Year Molars. However, this planetary alignment seems depressingly far away so if there are any short-cuts you know of, I’m all ears.