One of the best things I did after moving was joining a Mom’s Club. Why I didn’t do this early is beyond me. It has made the world of a stay-at-home-mom so much easier and enjoyable. I look back over Leina’s first year and it was so difficult and stressful and lonely. Kevin was working long hours with a long commute and there were days when it was literally just me and Leina all day long.
Looking back, I realize this is not healthy.
You need to distract and engage children and moms need the reassurance that only other moms can give. Now that I’m in a very active Mom’s Club, life is so different. Every week I have a whole host of options awaiting me. Each mom has different ideas and secrets. What stores offer story time, which coffee shops have play rooms, off the beaten path parks and indoor play areas and even trips to local farms or petting zoos. It’s amazing what’s out there if you know where to look. Even better is my play group. We have four moms and a total of six girls all together. We rotate homes and ideas each week and it’s such fun to make new friends. Especially friends with kids.
It’s funny how your friends change through life. After colllege, I went on to law school and my friends who jumped right into the work force, well, we slowly drifted apart. Different schedules, different priorities, different life styles. After I left school, I found myself on the other side of the fence. It was hard to find time for my friends still in school. They were sleeping in late and studying all night while I was up early every morning heading to work and completely free all evening with no papers or exams looming over my head. I should have known that having a child would trigger another change in friendships.
Suddenly, I’m on a kid friendly schedule. We eat dinner at 5:30 and have lights out at 8pm. I can no longer meet at a resturant at 7pm or catch a movie that starts at 9pm. I have to laugh when I get a call at 10am asking if I want to go to breakfast. 10am?!?!? I’ve been up since 7am and breakfast has come and gone. So it’s wonderful to have a new group of friends who are on the same wave length. Girls I can call at 9am on a Sat and know that not only are they up but they are probably also fed, showered, and heading out the door to do something with their kids.
As we get to know each other, we’ve started sharing our grips about husbands, kids, being home all day, and the drudgery that child-rearing can often be. All of us used to be full time workers and we wonder what it would be like to put our kids in day care and hit the work force again. To have someone else worry about naps, and changing diapers, and eating enough at lunch, and keeping busy minds entertained. We’ve thought long and hard about the “working out of home” vs “working in home divide” and decided that being home is the right choice for us. It isn’t an easy decision and it’s so nice to be surrounded by women who support and validate you.
Playgroup has also mellowed me out big time. Before playgoup, Leina got sick about once every six months or so and when she did, it was minor trauma time. I was worried every time her nose began to run or her eyes water. Now, after circulating germs around playgroup, I’m the most laid back mom. Runny nose, no problem. If Leina doesn’t mind, neither do I. No longer do I cancel all appointments and sit about the house waiting for her to recoup. Oh no, we just jam some kleenex in the diaper bag and head out the door. And I must say, it’s much easier to deal with a distracted kid with a cold than a bored kid with a cold. And so, about two days after playgroup, Leina comes down with a cold like clockwork. Nothing serious. No fever or vomiting. Just a runny nose, watery eyes, and a mild cough. By the time the next playgroup comes around, we’re hearty and healthly and ready for the next batch of germs. You’d thing, eventually, we’d run out of cold strains but no, there’s always another variation looming on the horizon.
Before Leina, if I saw a mom in the store with a kid whose nose is dripping and is coughing away, I’d think to myself, “what a bad mom, she should keep her kid at home if he’s sick and nurse him back to health.” I’ve now learned that if one followed this advice, you’d never be able to leave the house because childhood is one runny nose after another. The best you and do is teach your kid to use a kleenex and cover her mouth when she coughs. The rest, well, the rest is just part of being a child.