So I’m slowly crawling my way back into the land of the living. It hasn’t been easy, even with the oatmeal raisin cookies. You see, this year, I made the brilliant decision not to get a flu shot. I figured since I was no longer riding public transportation or working in an office building full of recycled air, I’d be safe from the flu. HA! I have paid in blood for this mistake. Even worse, I’ve fallen behind on Christmas.

This year, it was going to be different. This year, I was going to finish early and enjoy myself. HA! Instead, I spent over a week hacking up my lungs while dreaming of unfinished presents danced in my head. Sigh. Well, you know what they say, “if you want to make God laugh, tell Her your plans.”

So I’ve resigned myself to another frantic Chrissie Christmas. How bad is it? Well, lets just say, I let Kevin go pick out the Christmas tree by himself yesterday.

Yeah, I’m really that sick.

I’m sure most of you remember the tree fiasco last year, right? (If not, check out the Dec 17th entry from last year.) Falling behind on the Christmas schedule, I sent Kevin alone into the Christmas fields with two requirements for our tree. Six feet high, Douglas fir. After two hours, Kevin returned home with a four foot noble.

But this year, he topped even that experience. This year, I sent him out with the same requirements. Six feet – douglas. After only 20 minutes he returned with the Most Perfect Tree Ever. I am so not kidding. This was an A+ tree. Cut that morning from the hills of Clackamas, it was trimmed slimly with not a bare spot in sight. It was a whopping $30 (which is outrageous here in Oregon) but it was worth it. Kevin was sooooo proud. He done good.

Of course, sometimes, life is like a painting. You’re going along painting away and it looks good but for some reason, you just don’t know when to stop. And before you know it, you’ve added too much blue and your beautiful seascape has turned into a post modern nightmare and all you can do is ask yourself why? Why couldn’t I quit while I was ahead??

After letting the Most Perfect Tree Ever dry outside, Kevin picked up a pair of snippers and the tree stand and headed outside. The plan was to snip off a few low branches, fit it into the stand, and then bring the Most Perfect Tree Ever inside. Since I didn’t relish the idea of standing outside in the rain, I let Kevin go at this by himself. (You can see it coming, right?)

About 10 minutes go by when I suddenly hear massive cursing outside my door and the sound of snipping shears being thrown down in a pique of anger. Trembling, I opened the door to find that Kevin had massacred the Most Perfect Tree Ever. I don’t know what he was thinking but he had cut off the lower half of the tree. Our front yard was covered in tree branches so thick you couldn’t see the sidewalk……..and the tree! Oh the poor poor tree! What he did to that tree was at least a Class A Felony. I can’t describe it – you’ll have to see for yourself.

Kevin was furious. The animals ran upstairs and hid from his fury. Of course, I couldn’t stop laughing. Our tree look hilarious. This big bushy tree on top and a little exposed trunk below. He’d cut off a good 12 inches worth of tree branches. We did the only thing we could really. We chopped off the base and are now left with a very nice four foot douglas fir.

Poor, poor Kevin. He has made me promise to never again make him do anything with a Christmas tree alone again.

Ah, let the joy of Christmas begin!!!