I’ve found a new product to market and I think it’ll make me rich.

Dog saliva.

Now, hear me out. We’ve taught Artie not to beg at the table. Instead, he lies right under my feet and waits for me to pass down tasty bits during the meal. This is a very handy routine because it eliminates having a barking, whining, poking dog circling the table looking for an easy mark. The down side is that he stays in one position during the entire meal and drools.

If you rememeber the old Tom Hanks movie Turner and Hooch then you have a pretty good idea of what sort of droll potential a big dog has. By the end of the meal, there’s a large lake of dog drool under my feet that I have to navigate. This must be done with the utmost care for two reasons.

First, dog drool has a very long drying time. I’ve actually tested this theory. I’ve placed a smiliar sized pool of water next to the drool and sure enough, after a few minutes the water is gone but the drool remains. I haven’t actually figured out the half life of the drool – it’s kind of similar to the how many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie roll lollypop. You really don’t want to take the time to find out. Sitting on the floor watching drool dry isn’t much fun. Trust me.

Second, dog drool is EXTREMELY slippery. I’m not sure why this is but if I had to categorize it, I’d place it in the same family as boogers rather than water. It has a thick, slimy aspect that’s really quite astounding. If I’m not careful rising from a meal, I’ll find my feet sliding out from under me. Lately, in fact, Kevin has been giving me a hand to steady me as I rise to me feet. This has lead me to think we may need to purchase some of the yellow safety cones janitors use that say “slippery when wet” for liability purposes.

So I figure there must be some industrial use for a slow drying and slippery substance. Maybe an industrial lubricant of some kind? I should probably test Artie’s drool to see how it withstands heat. But I’m thinking I can just place a big old jar under his jowls and make him watch me eat bacon or ribs and before you know it, I’d have few jars for sale.

If anyone’s interested, I’d be more then willing to send them a small sample jar of the stuff. It’s only a matter of time until the offers start rolling in…. I can just feel it!