Today was a sad day in the McLaughlin house. Today, I let Leina cry herself to sleep.

Yup, that’s right, I’ve given up and decided to go with the old “cry it out” method. The kid has broken me. I’ve bought every book, tried every technique and she just won’t sleep. Well, that’s not true. She will sleep if I hold and rock her and as much as I love doing that, I just can’t do it any more.

Last night was particularly bad. She woke at 7pm, 9pm, 11pm, 1am, 4am, 6am, and 8am. Then today, she refused to take her first nap. I spent 50 minutes trying to get her to fall asleep and then gave up. Instead, I held and rocked her for an hour. Next, she refused to take her second nap. Again, another 50 minute battle of her crying in the crib while I kept picking her up, soothing her, putting her down just so she’d start to cry again. Exhausted, I resorted to holding and rocking her. By the time her last nap rolled around, I was a wreck. I hadn’t had a chance to change my cloths, eat, or even brush my teeth. I fought with her for 30 minutes in and out of the crib when I just couldn’t do it. So I gently put her down, kissed her little cheek, and left the room.

And then I called my mom.

Yup, I talked to my parents while she cried and cried and cried. She went from 4:40 to 5:20 on and off before she finally fell asleep. It was horrible but at the same time, I was so relieved to be about to eat something and crack my aching shoulders.

So I’ve given in. She’s going to cry. I know, that’s what babies do but I still feel awful. I was so nervous when she woke. I was afraid I’d go to get her and she’d turn her head from me or refuse to look at me after that horrible cry fest. But you know what, when she saw me, she cooed and smiled. Her lashes were wet from crying but aside from that, I couldn’t detect any obvious signs of trauma.

I think the next few weeks are going to be tough on both of us. Sigh. Why can’t this baby thing be easier?!?!