I’m heading out to see the Return of the King (or, according to Kevin, ROTK). Kevin saw it opening night with Josh while I stayed home with the kid so today I turn the tables and head to the theatre with Todd to watch the final installment on the big screen.

So this morning, over breakfast, Kevin decided to prep me for the big viewing. Knowing I’m a bit fuzzy on the whole trilogy fine points, Kevin decided to lay a little foundation to help me through this movie.

“OK,” he began after he finished his sausage “you remember Gondor, right?”

“Um,” I stalled for time as I racked my brain, “which one was he?”

Kevin’s jaw dropped and his eyes rolled around their sockets. Clearly this was the wrong answer.

“Gondor is a place not a person Chrissie.” With an exasperated sigh he reached for a pencil and scrap paper. “OK, you remember Rohan, right? And where the orcs lived? Well next to them and across the blah blah blah blah.”

I swear I had a Charlie Brown moment. Kevin was speaking but I couldn’t focus. I could feel my eyes glazing over and my mind begin to drift. Could be some early form of adult ADD but I’m not sure.

“Signal fires…blah blah blah…orc attacks..blah blah blah.”

I must have managed to kept my eyes open and nod in all the right places because there was suddenly silence and Kevin was looking at me, expectantly.

“Right, got it,” I jumped in “Gondor is a place and there are signal fires.” I smiled hopefully and glanced at the clock. Amazingly, Kevin’s whole lecture only lasted 5 minutes. I could have sworn it was longer.

“So, when’s a good time to take a pee break during the film?” I ventured, hopefully.

I guess this wasn’t the question Kevin was hoping for because he got up and cleared the plates muttering something about people not appreciating the true brilliance the Tolkien realm.

Yup, can’t wait! Mordor…place not person. Got it!