The question over donuts at the office this morning revolved around Valentine’s Day. We all went around sharing what we were going to get the sig. fig. in our respective lives. When it was my turn, I was truly stumped.

I’m not getting Kevin anything for Valentine’s Day. Never have, probably never will. I’ll go even one step farther and let you in on another secret as well. I’ve never bought him an anniversary present either.

What’s that you’re calling me? Cold, heartless, bitc— Um, excuse me. My mother may read this. Lets keep the language out of the potty thank you very much.

Now, before you judge me, let me explain. I believe that Valentine’s Day and anniversaries are a chance for my sig. fig. to express how happy and thankful he is that I’ve deemed to stay with him another year. I figure the fact that I said yes and went through with the whole “do you Christine, take this man…” ritual carries over from year to year to year. Valentine’s Day and anniversaries are sort of “get out of jail free” cards for Kevin. A chance to score some brownie points for later down the line. So that during early March, when he really sticks his foot in his mouth, he can say, “but I bought you that great Valentine’s day present, remember?” The glory of the present dictates how many times he can use this as an excuse. A good present and he can trade off that karma for months. Not so hot present, and he’s sunk by the end of spring.

I thought this was how things were done everywhere. I had no idea that for some people, the woman buys the man presents. What a scary thought. What’s the world coming to, I ask you?