Made an interesting discovery about Artie this weekend. It turns out, he hates motorcycles. I always thought he didn’t like the loud sounds they make. But this weekend, it was confirmed. He actually hates the cycle, not just the noise.

Now, you maybe asking yourself, how do I know what my dog is feeling? To assuage your doubts, I offer the following pieces of evidence.

One of our neighbors has a Harley. He always offers to give me a ride when he sees me but so far I’ve turned him down. (You can rest easy mom). Anyhow, it’s all shiny and has black leather and these big pouches of the side. I know nothing about Harleys but it sure looks cool to me. Anyway, if you own a motorcycle in Portland, your riding window is very narrow if you don’t enjoy riding in the rain. So lately, he’s been revving around on his bike. This weekend, he parked it right on his front walk that leads up to his front door.

Enter Artie. We we heading out for our walk, same as normal, when all of a sudden he went into “kick ass” mode. This behavior is mostly seen when a bigger dog approaches or someone who is smoking. (Did I forget to mention he also hates cigarette smoke? A dog after my mother’s heart.) Anywho, the hair on his back is sticking straight up, his tail is out, teeth barred, ears back, down low and mean to the ground. I’m looking all around for either a) another dog or b) a cigarette and am totally baffled.

Looking rabid, he launches into what I like to call Attack Mode Alpha. This involves loud barking, snapping, and a dancing back and forth in front of the bigger dog/cigarette smoker. Only, much to my surprise, his target is the parked motorcycle. Now, the motorcycle isn’t idling or even moving. It’s just parked there. But Artie doesn’t care. After snapping viciously for a few seconds, he moves into Attack Mode Beta. This attack is used when the physical display doesn’t work and the dog/person hasn’t fled in terror.

I think Artie was a little ticked that the motorcycle wasn’t impressed by his display of dominance. I, however, was holding onto his leash for dear life. It wasn’t enough though and he launched himself onto the motorcycle and proceeding to sink his teeth into the nice leather seat and begin to chew. Now, I’ve often thought that Artie could be part shark. He likes to grab his toys and then shake them all around viciously. Fortunately, the motorcycle was too heavy for him to knock off balance. I managed to pull him off the cycle but he left a big pool of slobber all over the seat and one of the side bags. Oops. Needless to say, we hussled down the street before my neighboor could come to the door to see what all the noise was about.

Now, every time we walk by, I’m ready and he only gets through Attack Mode Alpha before I manage to drag him past the house. What a strange dog.

He has a big, bad bark that can be useful. When I walk him alone and at night, anytime someone starts to approach us that looks suspicious, I grab his collar and in between his barking, I begin chanting, “Not, yet… Not, yet…” It’s kind of funny how all of a sudden they decide to cross the street.