I think Artie has begun chain smoking behind my back. This morning, he jumped up on the bed at 4:30am and sprawled across us as usual. Then he proceeded to hack up a lung. Hooooooack. Hooooooack. Hoooooack. He sounded like a 70 year old man who’s been smoking a pack a day since he was 16. Of course, neither Kevin nor I could sleep so instead we lay awake in bed listening to our dog hack for 20 minutes.

Hoooooack.

Do you realize there are only 45 days till Christmas? And, if you are like me, you probably have to send many presents by snail mail which means they must be purchased, wrapped and sent much earlier. Add on 8 – 10 shipping days to any items you purchase online and the result? Well, I don’t mean to frighten anyone but according to my calculations, one should have purchased all online gifts no later than December 4th. Assume the worst – 10 days shipping – and they arrive to your house on December 14th. Give yourself three days to wrap and address them and you’ll have them in the mail on December 17th which probably means they’ll arrive in time for Christmas.

Hello? December 4th? That’s right around the corner people!

With this in mind, I have already begun my quest for Christmas presents. Usually, my gift buying routine was to wake up early Saturday morning sometime in December and head for the nearest mall where I would spend all day buying stuff. Anything that looked good really without trying to match it any particular person. Then, when I got home I’d divide up the loot depending on who I though would like what. Your basic shotgun approach. It worked pretty well really. But this year, I can do things a bit differently. I now have the time to actually plan my gifts and, more importantly, I can hit the mall on, say, Tuesday at 10am which should allow me to park within view of the stores instead of ending up miles and miles away in parking lot hell. I’m very excited. Finally, a Christmas when I can relax and enjoy the season. I’m seeing quite a bit of eggnog in my future! So if you have any special requests for your present this year, please email me no later than Dec. 4th. Otherwise, yur gettin whatcha gettin.

It was raining so hard the other day that after I got the pooch snapped into his raincoat, he walked outside into the rain, was instantly drenched to the bone, so he turned around and headed back to the door. Yes, that’s right, he didn’t want to go out. That’s almost as bad as if he had refused food. That’s how hard it’s raining.

Over the summer I got to attend the WaferTech open house and finally see exactly where Kevin works. It was nice to finally find out what a tool looked like, how big a pod of wafers really are and see the cubicle bay that Kevin calls home. Very Dilbertesque.

One thing I did note, however, was the lack of personal touches in Kev’s cube. His desk was covered in binders, paperwork and general clutter. Aside from the nameplate velcored to the side, there was no indication that Kevin lived there. No pictures, no doodles, or any non-work related goodies. So that first thing I did, upon returning back home, was dig up an old picture of the two of use back in San Diego, stick it in a frame, and instructed Kevin to put it on his desk pronto.

Kevin has reported back that the photo was instantly commented on by his co-workers and most comments were positive. Except for one.

Now, there is a very fine line between funny and mean. My own personal distinction is that I never make fun of something that’s true. It just never comes out funny. Unfortunately for Kevin, there’s one guy he knows who has no qualms about crossing that true/funny line. I guess he saw the old picture of Kevin and said, “Wow, and I thought I was the only one at WaferTech losing my hair!”

Ouch. Poor Kevin. I have told him that hair isn’t that important to me. For me, it’s all about the dimple. So long as he’s still got the dimple, he’s got me. The flip side is that if that dimple every goes, I’m outta here!

So the lesson of the day is don’t make bald jokes to people who are losing their hair. It just isn’t funny. Don’t believe me? Ask poor little Kevin.

We are such creatures of habit. Want to see an Old Married Couple? Come over to my house tonight and watch a pair in action.

In my younger days, Friday night was unpredictable. You knew you were going to do something, you just didn’t know what. See a movie, shoot some pool, go dancing, shopping, hang with old friends – anything and everything all rolled into one. After suffering through the week, Friday night was meant to blow off steam and live a little. Saturday you recovered and Sunday was the catch up day. But Friday, Friday was for fun.

And then, somewhere along the line, my life turned into a twisted Cheers episode. Instead of a bar, insert a pizza joint. Instead of Sam Malone, insert a high school kid behind the counter. Instead of Norm or Cliff, insert Kevin. Lets watch a scene play out, shall we?

SCENE ONE

Ring. Ring. Ring.

Wife: “Hello?”

Husband: “Hey, it’s me. It’s Friday and I’m done with work and heading to Pappy Murphy’s. What sort of pizza do you feel like this week?”

Wife: “Oh, I don’t care. Just not Hawaiian – we had that last week.”

Husband: “OK, I’ll be home in 30 minutes. Go warm up that oven.”

Wife: “OK.”

SCENE TWO

Teenage Manager: “Family sized Italian, that’ll be $13.99.”

Husband: “So, how did you know what pizza was mine?”

Boy Manager: “Well, red civic and it’s Friday. You’re Kevin right?”

Husband, embarrassed, :”Uh, yeah, I guess I’m a regular, huh.”

Boy Manager: “Pretty much.”

Husband gets change and returns to car. Fade to black with Cheers theme song, Where Everybody Knows Your Name, playing in the background.

And that my friends is our typical Friday night. Pizza. From the same place, every Friday. Sometimes, if we’re feeling really social we might rent a movie but that is the sum total of our exciting Friday nights. I’m telling you, Old Married Couple.

I appear to have spoken too soon. No sooner had I hit “publish” for my last entry when the storm clouds rolled in clothing Portland in its usual rain.

Funny thing is, I love it! I guess I really have been converted to an Oregonian because now that the sky is grey and overcast, I feel like all is right in the world.

I’m just a sucker for rainy days. Without the distraction of sunshine, I can really buckle down and putter. And let me tell you, I am the all time undisputed queen of puttering. Right now my passion is Christmas cards. I have completed my list of naughty vs nice and have determined that I need a whooping 50 handmade treasures to cover this years list of lucky recipients. As of today, I’ve gotten 34 done. So I settled down with some classical music – I can’t concentrate if music has word ‘cause I end up singing along – a pot of tea and my craft goodies spread all about and went to work.

Poor Kevin. We haven’t eaten dinner together since Saturday because right now, there’s barely enough room for one person at our kitchen table. Everything else is covered in glitter, stickers and inkpads. I’ve gotten Kevin interested in making cards which, according to Josh, is a “gateway craft.” It starts simply enough but before you know it, you’re lying to your friends and staying up until the early morning hours bidding on the latest Hero Arts stamp set on ebay. Josh refuses to be tempted and so far will only agree to wash and dry stamps. He’s proving much more difficult to corrupt than Kevin.

I do, however, need to pull out Artie’s raincoat. I’ll try and remember to post a picture of him wearing it for your enjoyment. He looks so cute, I’m tempted to buy one of those books on how to knit clothes for your dog except I’m too embarrassed to walk up to the cashier and pay for it. Wouldn’t he look too cute in a little green and red mock turtleneck? May have to swallow my pride and go for it. Lucky dog.