Artie thinks I’ve lost my mind.

I was sitting in the rocking chair, nursing Leina and watching a little TV like a typical afternoon. Leina was munching away and slowly falling asleep at the boob. Finally, she lolled off, head thrown back, milk running down her chin, eyes closed and the biggest grin on her face you’ve ever seen. I was watching her and just about to bring her back to conscienceness when it happen.

She laughed.

Not a chuckle or a hiccup, but an honest to god laugh.

I think I scared her because I yelped, started laughing/crying myself and swooped her up and started kissing her uncontrollable. Artie, lying on the sofa, sort of rolled his eyes as if to say, “yup, mom’s officially lost it.”

And you know what, he was right.

She laughed!!!!

I never thought of myself as a selfish person. I thought I was pretty considerate and giving and not too terribly self-centered.

And then I had Leina.

I never realized how much of my day was for my own personal gratification. I never realized how hard it would be to give away everything that was me and to turn my whole life over to another. I never thought it would be so difficult to honestly and truely put myself second. I just never knew.

And then I had Leina.

Now, I can go all day without food or sleep and not really think about it. I’ll sit with the fullest bladder for an hour afraid to move because my daughter is finally asleep and she needs her rest so badly I just can’t wake her. I find myself gazing down at her at 4 am as she nurses and there is no resentment at this interruption of my sleep, no anger or bitterness, just a tired realization that this is what moms do.

I guess that means I’m finally and truely a mother.

And all because of Leina.

This baby is wonderful.
This baby is frustrating.
This baby is adorable.
This baby is infuriating.

Everyday is a battle. Has she blown out her diaper? Is she getting tired? Will she last 40min. in the crib? How can one little person be so dang cute? How can one small smile light up the room? How can one tiny baby make it all worth while? But she does.

Sorry for the lack of updates but we’re still working on crib sleeping. Right now, we have her sleeping alone in the crib for a whopping 20 minutes! Don’t laugh. That’s 20 minutes more than she used to. And from what I understand at this age the max is about 45 so I think she’s doing pretty well.

Of course it takes me 45 minutes to get her to sleep so I guess technically I’m in the hole but who’s counting, right?

And in those precious 20 minutes, the priority list looks something like this…

Go to Bathroom
Eat
Change cloths
Brush teeth
Run Laundry
Pay bills
Check email
Blog

So you can see that there isn’t much time to play around on the computer which just kills me because I have so many GREAT Leina stories and no time to write them down! I’m afraid once the baby amnesia hits, I’ll forget them all. Grrrr.

Well, I’ve used up enough of my precious 20 minutes and my bladder is calling but I wanted to add a quick note to let you all know we are still managing. Oh yes, and she is very very cute! (See Ofoto for confirmation!)

Leina went to sleep in the crib without a single cry. It’s a miracle.

I decided I couldn’t do the cry to sleep method. I’m too whimpy. So instead, I tried the Baby Whisperer technique and it worked! Don’t know if it was a fluke or not but tonight, I got her to fall asleep with only a peep. It’s like magic. Now, it’s my turn to crash but I wanted to post my first success.

Yes!

So before my mom leaves, I decided to try the last resort.

Yes, I’ve begun letting Leina cry in the crib.

As many of you know, Leina refuses to nap during the day. My mom didn’t believe me until she came to visit. This kid is on the go from 9am to 9pm with (on a good day) about 1-2 hours of sleep. The rest of the time she is a handful. She gets so tired and fussy and mom gets tired and fussy. So Tutu decided to help me begin crib training since what I was doing before wasn’t working. I’d get her to sleep by nursing, rocking, dancing, walking, and then try and sneak her into the crib. Of course, the phone would ring or the dog would bark and wake her. If I did manage to get her into her bedroom unroused, she’s a smart kid could sense when she was put down and boom – she’d pop up wide awake within minutes of being put down. So no more sneaking. We’re taking a direct attack. Yup, we’re putting her down awake and letting the crying begin.

Well, first we wait until she starts to yawn, rub her eyes, and get fussy. Then we go into the baby’s room and close the blinds. We hold her for about five mintues and rock her quietly just to let her unwind. Then we put her down. Usually, it takes her a few minutes to realize we mean business. She’ll coo and fuss and suck her hands for a while. After a while, the coos get louder and turn into cries that turn into screams. Our current technique is to let her cry for 5 minutes, then pick her up and comfort her. She has 5 minutes of comforting and then back in the crib where she’s left to cry for another 5 minutes. Then we pick her up. We do this over and over and over until she falls asleep. The first time took 47 minutes, the second 43 and this last round took a whopping 50 minutes to get her to sleep. Of course, she only sleep for about 30 minutes in the crib so we’re actually behind but I’m hoping her cry time will slowly decrease and her sleep time increase.

I just hope I can do this after my mom leaves. It totally helps to have someone else tell you “no, you can’t pick her up yet” and “keep on going, we can’t stop know.” Every mommy instict I have says, “your baby is crying, why are you just standing there?!?!” But I’ve tried everything else to get her to nap and this is really my last resort. Tough love, my mom says. According to her, this is how she crib trained both me and my sister. All I can say is thank goodness Leina doesn’t have tears yet. I don’t know if I could handle that!