I’m going to testify today. It’s really rather odd because I have never had to take the witness stand before. Guess I’m going to see what it’s like to be on the other side of the coin for once.

Last year, there was an attorney who worked on my floor. Rumors swirled about his behavior towards his secretaries and now it appears that his secretaries have taken action against him and I am to be a witness in their sexual harassment suit. Of course, everything I know is merely office gossip and he said she said testimony. But I must say, my heart skipped a beat when I was told there was a process server here for me. My first thought was, “I’ve been caught.” I know understand why, in some cases, we call opposing counsel and inform them of impending process service so they can give their clients a heads-up. I mean, come on, all of us has *something* we feel we’ve gotten away with. And that moment when you are handed papers and flip through them trying to determine why the summons, well, it’s a little like opening a present from someone who’s a notorious joker. You’re curious and a bit apprehensive all rolled into one.

The good news is, I wasn’t caught. I’m merely a bystander in this particular drama. I can’t wait to hear all the juicy details. It’s like a real life soap opera. That and the fact that I get to leave work early today to attend the trial. This ought to be interesting….

I’m an Auntie!!

After waiting by the phone/email for what seemed like days, I have been informed that this morning at 8:30am, Mr. Daniel Kahili Walls was welcomed into the world. He clocked in at a hair under 8 lbs and 20 inches with brown hair and cubby cheeks. Mom & Dad are doing fine but the grandparents are chomping at the bits to get their hands on the little guy.

Kevin and I are a bit disappointed. We were hoping they’d chose Kevin Walksthru Walls but they decided to go all traditional on us. There is no accounting for some people’s tastes I suppose.

So mark your calendars and laugh out loud ’cause there’s a new baby in town! Go Suzy!!! I’m so excited I want to just run in circles for a few minutes only I’m afraid that’s not appropriate office behavior. *GRIN*

I may already be an Auntie.

Suzy was scheduled for a c-section today at 9am. Due to the fact that the baby is a fat little chunker with a Walls head and Suzy is a little teeny person with a fused spinal rod, her doctor told her he wanted her to deliver via c-section. The procedure was to occur at 9am this morning barring any other emergency moms that would bump Suzy to a later time.

No word yet on my neice/nephew but I’m thinking it’s a boy. A big fat chubby baby boy. Cool. I can’t wait!

I may already by an Auntie!

I am the queen of sleep.

There is no dispute, ask anyone who knows me, I have a gift. I can sleep for days. In highschool, my parents thought I might be anemic due to my sleep schedule. I think they even had me tested for it but it was a no go. My blood work was fine, I just loved to sleep.

I remember, on weekends, my dad would make breakfast. He’d come into my room and tell me to wake up. I’d mumble something and just fall back to sleep. Eventually, he’d come in and take all my blankets. That would usually convince me to get out of bed and join the rest of the world.

Now that I’m an adult (at least in the eyes of the law), I’m able to sleep to my heart’s content. On a typical weekend, I’ll hop into bed around 11pm and awake the next day sometime around 1pm bright eyed and ready to get going. This presents a strange time warp because by the time Kevin is ready for dinner at 6pm, I’ve only been up for a few hours. Oddly enough, I can fall right to sleep at 11pm and wake up the next day at 1pm with no problems for two days back to back. So on a typical weekend, I spend 28 hours sleeping and 18 hours awake. What can I say, it’s a gift! If I’m really tired, I’ve been known to sleep through days. I’ll hop into bed on Friday and won’t arise until Sunday afternoon. I think I was a bear in another life.

Kevin, however, cannot join me in restful slumber. He is plagued by Blitz. That’s right, big fat fatty has Kevin trained. At 7am every morning come rain or shine, fatty sits by the front door and begins to meow. She wants out. Now. Kevin will hear her mournful cries wafting up the steps but can bury his head under the blankets and tune her out. After a few minutes of no response, fatty moves to the bottom of the stairs and continues to wail. Again, Kevin will bury his head and hope she gives up. Next thing he knows, the crying has moved closer – she’s on the railing at the top of the stairs. He can almost feel her glaring at him through the comforter. He lies very still and hears a thump, the bed shakes, and before he can save himself, fatty is squatting on this shoulder, bellowing into his ear. At this point, Kevin gives up. He stumbles out of bed, bleary eyed, and drags himself to the stairwell. By the time he gets there, Blitz is at the bottom of the stairs, looking up at him, thinking, “Come on tubbo, move it, I want out.” She continues her cries while Kevin plods down the stairs and opens the front door. She slips out without a backward glance and Kevin hauls himself back upstairs where he tosses and turns for 20 minutes before giving up and getting up for good.

We tried to alleviate Kevin’s misery and installed a cat door in a basement window. Unfortunately, Blitz doesn’t like to use it in the mornings. We think she is too lazy to walk down the stairs. Instead, she prefers to continue to sit and cry at the front door for Kevin. I asked him today why he doesn’t just pick her up and walk her down to the basement cat door. He said, all he’s thinking about on 7am on Saturday morning is killing the cat. It takes all this strength not to drop kick her out the door in the morning and trying to catch her and walk down to the basement is just too much for his sleep addled brain. Myself, I don’t even hear her, even when she perches on my stomach and cries at my face. For this reason, she doesn’t even bother trying to wake me from my hibernation. She knows who’s the softy and heads right to him every time.

Talk about a well trained owner. You’ve just got to admire my fat fatty! And so, if you are to call my house on a weekend before, oh, 1pm, don’t expect me to answer the phone. But don’t worry, I can sleep right through the ringing!

For Christmas, my old buddy Erica sent us a card game called Battle of the Sexes. The idea is you break up into teams of men vs women. There are two decks of questions that are used – one consists of knowledge women would know, the other stuff men know. The men read the women a “manly” question and the women read the “womanly” questions to the men. If you answer three questions correctly in a row, you get a point.

So when Kat & Josh invited us over for dinner, I dropped the card game into my bag and headed out. We decided to give it a shot and Kevin & Josh teamed up against Kat & I. I suppose I’ll just jump straight to the heart of the matter and say Kat & I cleaned up. The only questions that tripped us up were the ones related to chewing tobacco. Everything else, we could pretty much reason out. Also, the fact that Kat grew up with a ton of older brother meant she had a really incredible knowledge of sports. We were roaring through the questions. At one point, Josh grew a bit disgruntled and stated that we were just too butch. But the boys picked up toward the end and actually made a decent showing.

What I wanted to share with you was, by far, my favorite question given to the boys. It was something like….

What is the first line to the song, “I Will Survive”.

Now, I knew Kevin had heard this song. I must have played that song 100 times in the car just rockin out and singing away while sat resignedly in the seat next to me. But the questions was, had he ever paid attention to the words?

Josh & Kevin looked at eachother and started humming. “Wait, wait, I know this. Something something I will survive…..” Then Josh, who has more illegal MP3’s than the entire Napster site during its hayday, had a break though.

“I got it! At first I was a woman, I was terrified!” he shouted in triump to Kevin. I think Kat and I both lost it then. At first I was a woman, I was terrified? That sounds like the starting for a song about a gender change to me. I mean sure, I guess if Kevin woke up one day as a woman he’d be terrified. But really, it’s not that bad.

“I don’t think so Josh, I think it’s petrified, not terrified. You know, ‘At first I was a woman, I was petrified'” Kevin sang out.

Kat couldn’t contain herself and chimed in with, “Actually Kev, I think that’s trees, not women, who are petrified.”

After a few minutes more of our snide remarks, the admitted defeat. It was a classic Josh & Kev moment though. They just crack me up.