Author Archives: Chrissie

The Pooka Life

Oh man, this kid is growing so fast, next think I know he’ll be looking for his first car. Anyone know any hot 1 month old girls looking for a date? If so, I’ll run them by Baby D. Two month old might be ok too but anything over that will be pushing it. You’d better act fast though cause this kid is gonna be a real looker just like his aunt.

I am stuck here at work even though it should be a holiday and the sun is sort of shining (which qualifies as a minor miracle here in Portland) and instead of working on my garden or loving my dog I am here. At work. Stuck. Did I already mention the stuck part?

Needless to say, I have been totally unproductive and proud of it. So there!

Come back tomorrow. I may be less grumpy…but no guarantees.

Doesn’t Everyone Have a Binaca Bracelet?

I sometimes forget that not everyone sees the world through my eyes. Things that seem perfectly obvious to me may be totally bizarre to someone else. For example, my friend needed some chap stick so I told her to grab it out of my purse. She rummaged around in it for a while and then said, “Um, Chrissie, what is this?!?”

I looked up and saw she was holding a spritzer of Binaca. You know, that stuff you squirt into your mouth to freshen it up right before you kiss someone. Now, having a tube of Binaca in your purse probably isn’t that strange but in my case, the tube is wrapped in duct tape with a piece of twine hanging from it like a handle.

“Oh, that,” I replied nonchalantly “it goes on your wrist, like this.” And I took the spray from her and slipped it over my hand so that it hung, dangling from my wrist. Oddly enough, this little demonstration only seemed to add to her confusion. What, like other people don’t walk around with a home made Binaca bracelet?

It actually took me a moment to process her confusion. You see, in our house, we walk around with the Binaca bracelet because it is the ultimate training device. Artie just hates the stuff. First off, when you spray it, it makes this weird hissing sound like a mad cat. Second, it makes him sneeze. It’s non-toxic and won’t harm him if he swallows it so we just aim at his nose and shoot. So when someone is at the door, we slip on the Binaca bracelet and if he starts barking or jumping on the guest, a quick squirt quiets him down. When you take him on a walk, you slip on the bracelet and if he goes after a cat or gets in a tangle with another dog, a quick squirt squirt and the squabble quickly breaks up. It’s gotten to the point now that all we have to do is pick up the spritzer and point it at him and say “no” and he’ll stop whatever it is he’s doing he hates the stuff so much.

I suppose, though, to those unfamiliar with my life, it may look like I’m strangely paranoid about my breath. I mean, why else would there be a spritzer of Binaca in every room? But it’s all perfect normal. Trust me.

The Pooka Life

Here’s a little mind bender for you this Valentine’s Day. Place the letters of the work LOVE in the square below. All four letters must be on each vertical and horizontal line. No two of the same letter may be next to each other on these lines.

Sorry about the random white space. I seem to have offended the html gods and they refuse to cooperate this morning.

Enjoy!L __ __ __

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O
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V
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E

The Pooka Life

Sabrina sent me this link that reads your personality based on color preference. According to my selections….

I don’t like authority and I rebel against all forms of limitation. I am my own person and I intend to stay that way .. and to get on in the world simply by my hard work and determination.
Man, all that from picking blue.

The Pooka Life

I am refusing to watch the Olympics this year. Ever since the whole bribery episode, I have just been turned off by the idea. And the patriot theme! I completely OD’d just watching the Super Bowl. I can only imagine what sort of imagery is being thrown around the Olympic games.

I think the worse part is that horrible addictive theme song. You know the one. This is my house…..etc. Have you ever really listened to the words? I think this post pretty much summed up my feelings exactly.

Hair Today….

It is my belief that every girl growing up wishes she had different hair. It’s some sort of teenage rite of passage. Girls with thin straight hair long for thick curls, those with thick curly hair would do anything for smooth straight tresses. I, too, suffered through this strange phase. I remember spending hours and hours pouring over teen magazines, thumbing through articles on how to make my thick unruly hair straight and sleek. I tried every technique and gel with no success. The sad truth was that I would never have straight thin hair but I refused to believe this incontrovertible fact. This bizarre desire continues to haunt me and has caused me no end of suffering as you will see.

While my idea of perfect hair has not changed, the source of my infatuation has. Instead of teen magazines, I am drawn in by television. Almost every show on today has women with long, straight, shiny hair. After spending an hour or two watching prime time TV, I somehow manage to convince myself of two very dangerous facts.

First, that the style worn by the TV actress would look good on me and second (but perhaps more dangerous) that I can cut this style myself.

And so at the end of the show, filled with some strange sense of purpose, I grab my hair scissors and head into the bathroom to recreate the style as seen on TV. These are very dangerous words – as seen on TV – in any context. For some reason, the kitchen cleaner or vacuum sealing bags when shown in the 30 minute infomercial look wonderful. But once they arrive on your doorstep, you find yourself wondering what on earth possessed you to order them. With products, this is easily remedied with a quick trip to Goodwill or (in our case) a new auction on ebay. However, things are much different with hair.

I mean, really, a TV show is nothing more than a 30 or 60 minute infomercial. They are selling the clothing, and the make up, and the furnishing, and (in my particular case) the hairstyles. By the end of the programming, I have been convinced that I, too, need to have Rachel’s snazzy new hair cut or Buffy’s perky little bangs. Instead of reacting like a normal woman and making an appointment with a hair stylist, I take matters into my own hands. I think this is because I want it now and I don’t want to wait until next week for an appointment. Whatever the reason, about once every few months, I wander into the bathroom with a pair of scissors and the best of intentions.

The results are quite comical. So much so that my girlfriends at work have decided that certain shows are off limits to me and my impressionable hair. The real difficulties lies in the fact that I’m always coveting hairstyles that only work if you have straight, thin hair. That and the sad reality that I am not qualified to cut hair.

Anyway, waiting for Kevin last night, I flicked on the TV and there was a re-run of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. This show is on my list of things-my-too-impressionable-mind-cannot-watch but I got sucked into it anyway. Not the plot or the acting so much as Buffy’s hair. In this particular re-run she had these cute little bangs. Now, for those of you who aren’t Buffy fans, she has long, straight, blond hair. As most of you know, I have crazy, thick, brown hair. I don’t think any further explanation is necessary. Lets just say I woke up this morning wondering what happened to my hair. Then I remembered.

The TV show. The scissors.

Thank goodness hair grows quickly.