Never underestimate small children. Don’t let their diminutive size fool you. What they lack in height, they make up for in sheer cunning. Case in point, a few days ago I was sitting at the kitchen table…..
I’ve been working on potty training Kulia for a while now. I am so very ready to be done with diapers. So very ready. But for whatever reason, Kulia has decided to thwart all potty training attempts and insists on using her diaper instead of the very lovely potty chair in the bathroom. Never one to shy from out right bribery, I explained to Kulia that if she put her poopie on the potty, she would get a Skittle treat. This simple bribed worked very well for Leina and so I expected Kulia to fall right in line. Ummm, no. Kulia has no interest in Skittle treats and her diapers continued to be loaded. Being a crafty mother, I decided to change tactics. I took Leina aside and explained to her that if she could get Kulia to use the potty, I would give Leina two Skittle treats for her hard work. Yes, I was bribing my eldest daughter to coerce my youngest but hey, I’m a trained lawyer remember? I used to do this stuff for a living. Leina was very happy to make this deal and for the next few days, every time Leina went to use the bathroom, she convinced Kulia to come along too. There they would sit, side by side, and chatter together. Unfortunately, while Kulia was on the training potty, there was no action and Leina began to get a bit ancy. She wanted a Skittle treat and she decided waiting for Kulia to finally use the toilet was taking far too long. So she came up with a plan.
I was sitting at the kitchen table one morning, drinking coffee and reading the paper, when I saw Leina rush to the toilet with Kulia in tow. What Leina didn’t realize was that I could hear every word she was saying from where I sat. The conversation ran something like this…
Leina: “Come on Kulia. Just try to go. If you do we’ll get Skittles!”
Kulia: “No.”
Leina: “Please???? I’ll give you an extra Skittle.”
Kulia: “No.”
They went back and forth like this for a while and then there was a pause. Leina had been struck with a brilliant, albeit flawed, plan.
Leina: “Kulia! I have a great idea! Let’s pretend you did the poopie and tell mommy and then we can get Skittles!”
Kulia: “OK!”
At this point, I heard Leina grab the potty training bin, run some water in it, pour the water into the big toilet, and flush it.
Leina: “OK, now go tell mommy you had a poopie Kulia!”
Kulia: “OK.”
So around the corner comes Kulia sans pants and sans diaper. She trotts up happily to me and announces, “mommy, me did poopie!” which must have been their prearranged cue because Leina came bounding out of the bathroom jubulantly shouting “she did it! She did it! Now we get Skittles!”
Mom: “Kulia! You did poopie! I can’t believe it! Let me go clean it out and then you can get your treats.”
Leina (hands raised to block my way): “Oh mommy, you don’t have to. I already did it. I washed it and flushed too. Can we get our treats?”
Mom: “Leina, tell the truth. No lying to mommy. Did Kulia really have a poopie?”
Leina: “um. Yes?”
I let the silence linger. Another lawyer trick. Guilty people hate silence especially after telling a really big lie. Kulia cracked first.
Kulia: “I no go poopie.”
At this point, Kulia fled to another room. She pretty much left her sister to the wolves but she knew she had been beaten. Leina, however, stayed and squirmed a few more moments before she broke down crying and confessed everything. I forgave her, of course. I mean really, a part of me was so rather in awe of the complexity of the whole thing. She really thought it through and I’ve go to say, if I hadn’t been sitting there listening to the whole plan, I’d have probably fallen for it. I thought the rinsing and flushing a rather brilliant move on her part. It’s enough to make a mother proud!
