Are things really starting to click? Chrissie is working really hard to figure out this baby. Everytime I come home she has a new method for licking the colic. A new burping technique, a new hold, a new nursing position. Sometimes I half expect to see Chrissie nursing upside down while reciting poetry when I get home. It’s fun to see all the changes though.

Dad and Carla came by yesterday and brought us diner. What a treat to eat together for once! The meal was delicious and the baby relief allowed me to catch up tonight and look at some pictures. I’m not sure what Chrissie does with the camera during the day, but she does get some funny shots:

Yesterday, Leina was so beautiful.

She slept in with mom and woke happy. She nursed easily and went down for all her naps right on time. I don’t know if it was colic episode the night before or some other fluke but she was all snuggly baby and sour milk breath. I loved every moment of her.

But as the sun began to set, I found my spine begin to stiffen. Would she have another attack? Would she sleep at all? I had forgotten that the cavalry was coming in the form of grandparents.

Yes, by the grace of God, Jerry and Carla decided to bring us dinner and two pairs of hands willing to rock and love Leina for me. Kevin and I sat down to a home cooked milk-free dinner of chicken and dumplings, salad, spinach and home made pear pie. I don’t know what was more wonderful, the meal or spending time without Leina in my arms but knowing she was safe and well.

And if that wasn’t enough, I even got to leave the house. Yes, that’s right, I actually left the baby. In such capable hands, I decided to head out into the neighborhood. I hooked up the pooch, grabbed a few treats and a poop bag, and walked out the door. (Don’t worry, I took the cell phone just in case. I’m still a crazy paranoid mom at heart.) For the next 20 minutes, Artie and I followed our usual route through the neighborhood. The last time I did that I was lugging Leina inside me. This time, I was solo. It was strangely wierd and wonderful and worrisome all at the same time.

That night, I decided to break out the breastpump and figure out how to work it. I love Leina but I realized I can’t be the best mom if I’m so frazzled I’m thin as old glass. I need time off. I know that sounds awful, like I’m dying to get away from my own daughter but it’s true. Sometimes, as I sit in the baby room for hours upon hours feeding her or changing diapers or trying to figure out why she’s crying and how to make it stop, I begin to feel myself longing to get out. And the great part is that there are people more than willing to take Leina for an hour or so but I must leave them prepared with substitute boobies. And so, last night, I turned myself into a human cow. I think, like breast feeding, pumping is a learned are to I’m trying not to be too disappointed at my first attempt which was pretty dismal. After a good 20 minutes I had about half an ounce of milk bagged up. I’m thinking with this kid, that’s just an appetizer. But I am determined and I am a taurus so I’m quite sure I will apply my pig head to this one and win eventually.

So the sun is setting and Kevin is trying to settle Leina for the night. We don’t talk about it but both of us are secretly gnawing away at the big question – will the colic hit her or spare her tonight. I’ve been a google maniac today researching everything I can about colic. Everyone has a tip or an idea but no one seems to be able to have a cure. I just pray, every night, that Leina will grow quickly and strong so that these bouts will be a thing of the past and not a nightly trial.

My other savior has been Anne Lamott. She wrote a great book called Operating Instructions which is sort of a personal journal of her son’s first year. He, too, suffered from colic and reading about her hilarious and so true dark thoughts makes me feel a little more sane. I’m at the part where he grows out of it at that magic 3 month mark.

I’ve decided to make one of those Christmas link chains. You know the type where every day you pull off another paper mache link to help count down to Christmas. Instead, mine with count down to three months when the magic is suppose to happen and Leina will sleep soundly at night and the colic will pass. Hey, I’ve already got one month in the hole.

My real savior, however, is Kevin who works a full day and then comes home to rescue me and be my rock and sanity saver. He takes Leina and rocks her and loves her. He stands by me at the crib while we watch her cry. He laughs with me at her poopie face and even takes a night shift sleeping with her so I can catch a few uninterrupted winks of sleep. I’m quite sure that without him, I would have quietly fallen apart by now. This morning, he left me a note on the kitchen table saying “I love you. You will make it through this. You are a GREAT mom.” I’ve decided to tape this above the clock in the baby room so I’ll see it everyday.

Am I a lucky girl or what? Kevin & Leina are both mine. I just doesn’t get any better than this.

Poor Leina is developing colic.

It starts around 7pm with fussiness as if she has a poop that just won’t come out. We walk her and snuggle her, rock her and sing to her but still she fusses. Finally, we pull out the reserves, the boobie. She pops on and it’s the saddest thing to watch. Her little body convulses and she screams between sucking. Her arms flail and her legs kick. Finally, she can’t take it anymore and she pops off screaming bloody murder. And she screams. And screams. And screams. And screams.

The amount of screaming is increasing each night. Last night, she went from 8:30 to 10:30 of red face, full body convulsions. There’s nothing you can do to help her but watch her scream and try not to scream yourself. Thankfully, Kevin sits right beside me and keeps me from totally losing it. We sit together in the darkened baby room looking at eachother miserably. Both torn up that our child is so unhappy and both helpless to do anything. This is what being a parent is about? I can’t believe how hard it is.

Eventually, she wears herself out and we nursed her to an uneasy sleep around 11pm. That was the longest night of my life. Today, I researched colic and all signs point to no good news. It develops around week 4-6 and can last a full 3 months. Three months! I can’t believe it.

I’ve decided to cut out dairy from my diet and I’ve also read wheat products can be a problem too. Not sure what exactly I can eat with out dairy or wheat but hey, if it means living on chicken and potatoes for 3 months so that my baby doesn’t have these nightly screaming fits, I’ll go for it.

Well, she’s up and crying. The “awful period” has begun. Wish us luck.

So last night, it hit me. Somewhere between the 12am, 2am and 4am nursing, I realized the answer to my delimna.

In our neighborhood, people are always giving away stuff on the side of the road. Replace your dishwasher? Put the old one on the curb with a sign saying “FREE – Works great” and it’ll be gone before night fall. Chop down a tree? Pile up the logs and attach “Free Wood” and poof, it’s gone.

So as I sat hunched in the nursing chair, bleary eyed and exhausted while the little suckerfish slowly had her midnight snack, I struck upon a plan.

I decided in the morning I’d prop her up in one of our recycle bins with a sign that read “Free baby – barely used”. I figured she’d be snached up in no time and I could sleep again like a normal person.

I told Kevin this in the morning. You know, to warn him so that when he came home from work that evening and found me sound asleep and no baby in sight he’d know what happened. He sat in stunned silence for a moment and then asked, “your kidding, right?”

Don’t worry, I didn’t hesitate more that a moment or two before assuring him that I wasn’t going to give our baby away on the curb side. Of course, when Leina is futsing around on the boob during the wee hours of the morning, I do find myself whispering to her….”you better get serious about eating or I’m going to start working on that free sign.”

My threat doesn’t appear to have much of an effect. All she does was look up at me and smile with a big milk grin and I instantly take back the treat.

Can we say wrapped around her cute little finger?

The Baby Leina Page has finally been updated! It’s hard to keep up with all you picture takers out there – especially JT! To date we have just over 300 Mb worth of Leina pictures and files on our computer. A rough estimate has us at 460 pictures (including all the web copies and printable copies) That makes putting a measly 40 new pics online just the tip of the iceberg. There’s definitely more coming.

If anyone out there wants all 300+ Mb I’d be happy to burn you a CD.

Enjoy

Last night I slept in my own bed for the first time in 19 days.

Yes, my bofa on the sofa days are over. My little miracle baby as learned to sack out in her crib for a whopping 3 hours. This is a little slice of heaven.

So when she awoke for her 1am feeding, I found myself actually smiling down at her little chubby face while she tried to suck my boob off my breast. I still felt my pillow against my cheek and my feet were still snuggly from my blanket instead of being contorted from sleeping on the old sofa. Even when she roused me again around 4am, I was still happy as a clam. Who knew that something as simple as 3 hours sleep could feel so wonderful???

I may just die if she ever makes it through a 4 hour streach. Four whole hours of sleep? Is that even healthy? And I’m told that in a mere 3 months, she may even be sleeping through the night! Happy! Happy! Joy! Joy!

Don’t worry, all day long she doesn’t go near that nasty old crib. Oh no, that little snuggle baby stays right in my arms. After all, they say babies grow fast so I better enjoy all the free kissing time now while I got it. All too soon, it’ll be “mom, stop it! Why are you always trying to kiss my cheeks?”