Yesterday, Leina ate ranch dressing for lunch and butter for dinner.

Yes, butter.

How sad is that?

Stick a fork in me; I’m done. I am not really typing this because my body has been broken into thousands of little pieces and scattered all over my house. I thought my life was hard when Leina decided to enter the terrible two’s full force. I was so clueless. What I wouldn’t give to go back to last week’s tantrums and irrationalitites.

This week, you see, not only do I have a full fledged terrible two-er on my hands, I also have a terrible two-er who is cutting a morlar. And let me tell you, hell on earth is right here in my living room.

Leina is miserable. She is beyond miserable. I think we passed miserable on Tuesday and are now somewhere between inconsolible and radioactive. Poor Leina has about lost her mind over this molar. It must hurt something awful because the whole right side of her face has swollen up and I’ve noticed she’s slurring her words as if even having to open her jaw to speak is unbearable. Tylenol has no apparent effect at any dose I’ve tried so far. And, of course, eating is out of the question. Now, Leina with tooth pain is ugly. Leina with tooth pain and extreme hunger is sheer madness. She’s so hungry and hurting that I found her wailing and rolling around the kitchen floor this morning screaming, “my teeeeeeth….. my teeeeeeth….. I’m sooooo huuuuuungry…..” And everytime I try to feed her, she completely looses it from the pain. So we are on day three and Leina and I are both getting a little woozy. I don’t know how much longer this will last but it’s a good thing it’s Friday and reinforcements (i.e. Kevin) are on the horizon.

The truly sad news is that only one molar is on the move. Yes, even in my shell shocked state I can still do rudimentary math and according to my calculations, I have three more rounds of this terror to survive. It ain’t looking good. My eldest is surviving on about four bites of ice cream a day and taking out her pain and hunger and anger on me. I’m working on about three hours of sleep because the youngest has decided to hit a growth spurt and wants to nurse every two hours at night. I think between Leina and myself we might have one ounce of reason between us. Well, maybe half and ounce.

Maybe.

I went to retrieve Leina from her nap the other day and she greeted me with those dreaded words…..

“Mommy,” she lamented, “I don’t feel so good.”

With a bit of concern, I asked “What hurts honey?”

“My belly hurts,” Leina replied and began rubbing her tummy.

I began to flash back to our four day vomit fest and dread filled me. Where had we been? What had she eaten? How could we survive a stomach bug with Kulia?

“I think I need some ice cream to make it feel better,” Leina continued with a totally straight face.

I managed to contain my giggles at this pronouncement. I was, however, so happy to hear that this stomach ache could be remedied that I gave in and let her have ice cream before dinner.

What a little actress.

100 Things About Me

1. I have lived in five different houses. Westwood, Pawnee, Silver Arrow, 69th and List.
2. The second house I lived in was on Pawnee St in Texas.
3. It had a small high window that seperated two rooms that my sister and I used to love to climb through.
4. I have a strange love of small things like miniature ketchup bottles, small pencils and tiny notebooks.
5. I love how tiny my daughter Kulia was when she was born.
6. When Leina was born, she kept sticking her tongue out.
7. When Kulia was born, she had long, long fingernails.
8. I’ve always had long fingernails.
9. In middle school, I used to have fingernail contests with my friend Sylvia Folson.
10. She had longer fingernails but I always thought mine looked better.
11. Sylvia’s family introduced me to the Paso Robles bike rally.
12. I used to go every year with my dad during high school.
13. During the long drive, I’d exclaim “Hey!” and when my dad looked, I’d point to the rolls of hay lying in the field.
14. I don’t like puns.
15. I married someone who loves puns.
16. He also likes Popular Science but I think the magizine is full of useless knowledge.
17. One of my little luxuries in life right now is reading a magazine in the bathroom alone.
18. This rarely happens because I have a two year old who is quite cat-like and can’t stand closed doors.
19. I just gave my two cats up for adoption.
20. I used to have two cats when I lived at Silver Arrow.
21. One cat, Annie, used to sleep with my sister at night and that made me so jealous.
22. I used to try and force her to sleep with me but she always ended up with Suzy.
23. When we were little, my sister and I liked to sleep in the same bed together.
24. At night, my dad would play guitar and sing to us before bed time.
25. Kevin bought me a guitar at Fry’s Electronics one year and I tried to learn how to play.
26. I wasn’t very good because my fingernails were too long.
27. I want to learn to play guitar so I can sing my daughters to sleep at night.
28. I love listening to Leina sing her own made-up songs.
29. I hate listening to children’s music in the car.
30. I want to find more singers and music I like but haven’t got the time.
31. I had no idea how hard it is to raise children when I had my daughter.
32. Now that Leina is older, I have a great deal of new found respect for my mother and other moms.
33. I love surfing the internet for funny mom blogs.
34. I sometimes feel very lonely and isolated now that I’m at home with my daughters.
35. I used to be a very social person with lots of friends.
36. Now, I find I’m happier with just a few very close friends.
37. Family has become very important to me, especially my extended family.
38. I have a father in law and a stepmother in law who live in Vancouver, WA.
39. Every other Sunday we drive up to Vancouver for a family dinner.
40. I love to drive with the windows rolled down rather than use the air conditioner.
41. I can be very miserly.
42. Growing up, if I was cold, I was told to put on socks or a sweater.
43. I love wearing socks and sweaters in the winter.
44. I started to learn how to knit but stopped after Leina was born.
45. I want to learn how to knit a sweater.
46. My closet is filled with clothing but I find I like to wear the same old comfortable outfits over and over.
47. I love shopping with my girlfriends.
48. I prefer bargain stores to name brands.
49. I don’t wear much jewelry.
50. I don’t wear make up but I should.
51. I’ve never learned how to apply eyeshadow.
52. I’ve always wanted blue eyes.
53. Growing up, I thought the song “I’m Gonna Make My Brown Eyes Blue” was literal.
54. I remember listening to Don Williams and jumping on the sofa at Pawnee waiting for my dad to come home.
55. My dad bought me a big pink inflatable bunny for Easter when I lived at Pawnee.
56. I used to love searching for Easter eggs as a kid.
57. I love hard boiled eggs and egg salad sandwiches.
58. When I worked downtown, I used to get egg salad sandwiches on wheat bread for lunch.
59. A sailor on shore leave once asked me out after work.
60. I said no.
61. My dad was a sailor on the USS Enterprise.
62. I once interviewed my dad for a class project in 6th grade with Aimee Fisher.
63. I interviewed my grandparents for a project during a summer class at the University of Hawaii.
64. My last trip to Hawaii was over ten years ago.
65. I love the ocean and beaches in Hawaii.
66. I never liked the beaches when I lived in San Diego.
67. My sister and her family live in San Diego.
68. If I could afford it, I’d move to San Diego too.
69. I’m not very good at budgeting or saving.
70. I have too many student loans that never seem to get paid off.
71. I’m very proud to say I do not carry a credit card balance.
72. I horde gift cards.
73. I don’t like to give gift cards as presents.
74. I buy all the presents for friends and family members.
75. I also wrap and write all the cards.
76. I have very bad penmanship.
77. I took a calligraphy class and loved it.
78. My grandmother did beautiful copperplate calligraphy.
79. My grandmother always had long hair.
80. I got my hair cut short once in seventh grade and it was awful looking.
81. I used to have pictures of Johnny Depp and River Phoenix up on my wall in middle school.
82. I had my first boyfriend in middle school.
83. He gave me a giant Christmas teddy bear one year.
84. I have a box filled with stuffed animals that I can’t seem to part with.
85. I have a very large collection of turtle animals.
86. I used to keep them around my bed to ward off bad dreams.
87. When I was little, I believed in Peter Pan.
88. I used to sleep in a blue nightgown just like Wendy and keep my window open at night.
89. If I went to bed with both hands under my pillow, I’d dream of Never Never Land.
90. If I could have one super power it would be to fly.
91. My favorite dreams are ones where I fly.
92. I like travelling because of all the time I get to read in the airport.
93. I also like to people watch.
94. I like walking at night and peeking in people’s lit windows to see what they are doing.
95. When I’m feeling depressed or sad, I look at the moon and hear my daughter Leina saying “hell-wo wuna!”
96. I think moonlight is sexy.
97. I love the dark.
98. I’m a night owl and hate waking up early.
99. I love spending all night reading a good book from cover to cover.
100. A good book can make me cry.

Liza, my new mom friend from playgroup, called me yesterday. She calls me every weeks just to check up on me, see how I’m holding up, hear about the kids latest exploits, and check my sanity level. She has two girls and vividly remembers how hard it was in the beginning.

Liza also manages to convince me to get out of the house with her. If it’s just me, I tend to hang around home. Maybe wander down to the local park on a day when I’m feeling invincible but mostly we play in the backyard or hang with the neighbor kids. But once a week I make an exception for Liza.

This week we planned a trip to this new park she discovered. It’s a good 20 minute drive down the freeway but she promised me a huge fountain and play area for the kids. So I threw caution to the wind and pack up Leina and Kulia and headed to Liza’s house. I followed her black car through back streets and country roads until we wound up at a Korean War monument. Sure enough, there was also a park with the absolute coolest water feature ever. The water was only ankle deep with tiny, shin high waterfalls and little shooting fountains that varied in height. The day was slightly overcast and we had the fountain mostly to ourselves.

With Liza’s help, I got Kulia in the Bjorn and Leina decked out in her swim diaper. All the other kids ran straight into the water but not Leina. She stood right at the edge and watched. Every now and then one of her friends would run back, grab her hand and say “come on Leina!” but Leina would pull away and refuse to budge. I gabbed with the moms but I kept and eye on my oldest. She was missing all the fun. I knew if I just got her to test the water, she would realize how much fun it was but all the coaxing in the world wouldn’t budge her.

So I decided to take action. I pulled up my pant legs, grabbed her hand, and wadded into the water myself. We pretended to rescue baby Jaguar with Diego and I showed her how to make the water shoot out of the fountain holes. I climbed up the small waterfalls and jumped around while holding tight to Kulia in the Bjorn. I’m sure I was quite a hilarious sight as the only adult playing in the kid fountain. After a couple minutes, Leina let go of my hand. I followed her around for a while, helping her imagine and explore and then I stopped and let her wander away. Her friends found her and they climbed to the top of the fountain, babbling and splashing together. I headed back to the moms with wet feet and damp pants. For the next hour Leina ran in the water, climbed the walls, and experiented with the fountains. She was the last one coaxed out and so desperately wanted to continue playing.

I see so much of myself in her. It’s hard sometimes to step outside your comfort zone. It’s easy to watch the world go by but if you’re lucky, someone will take you by the hand and help you test the water. Somehow, it’s easier to wade in when you have a friend by your side. I need a little coaxing too and I can hardly wait for Liza to call me next week. I wonder what she’ll have planned for us to do!

Papa and Tutu pulled out in the big bubba truck this morning. I think Leina was as distraught as I was to be losing them. But kids are like rubber; they bounce right back. So after some playing in the backyard, she was right as rain. I, on the other hand, was quite sad. Kevin is working today so it seems even more quiet.

Tutu is amazing. She can take care of baby Kulia- change diapers, burp, amuse, and put down for a nap. Then she’ll change gears and romp around with rascal girl. She’ll read to Leina, play make-believe, feed and clothe her. After all of that, she then takes care of me! Tidying up, running laundry, doing dishes, pestering me to rest, and listening to me rave about how sweet my girls are. Tutu does all this and makes it look easy. She inspires me. So now that she’s gone, I’m going to try my best to keep on the routine we’ve established. The secret is to get up and move! No lying on the sofa, zoning to the tv. No dragging my feet and putting off chores. No big sighs of boredom when I have to read Meet Diego for the umpteenth time. No, I’m going to do my best to preserve my Tutu-attitude.

I’m sure by the time they return this winter I’ll have fallen off the wagon but hey, a girl’s gotta try, right?

Now all I have to do is find a way to fill the huge empty space here in our house that Tutu used to occupy. Not an easy task, let me tell you!