So my dad is a big teaser. This is a well known fact. As a kid, he used to tease his dog which was a little cocker spaniel. I guess old habits die hard because when he comes to visit, he loves to tease Artie too. Now, there is one very large difference between Artie and a cocker spaniel… about 60lbs as my dad found out the hard way.
It started out innocently enough. One afternoon, we hooked up the pooch and set out on our afternoon walk through the neighborhood. Artie was huffing and puffing along like the fat sausage he is when we hit the park blocks. These are four blocks of green grass and trees in the middle of our neighborhood. It’s popular with dogs and kids playing ball. My dad must have been feeling frisky because he turned to me and said, “I want to run Artie up the block.” Now, Artie isn’t big on running. He’ll lope along for a while but he usually gets tired and plops down under some shade once he’s had his fill and my dad was going on about how fat Artie was and how he could out run him so I handed over the leash and they took off.
Sure enough, Artie sort of lumbered along and my dad had no problem keeping up with him. At the end of they block, they stopped and waited for my mom & I to catch up. When we got there, Elmo decided he was going to run another block with Artie to really exhaust him so he took off again. Only this time, Artie had different plans.
For whatever reason, Artie perked up. He decided Elmo wanted to play and he turned on the energy. He started jumping up and down, bouncing off my dad and nipping at him. In his excitement, he grabbed my dad’s arm and actually drew a little blood. Nothing major but Elmo stopped running and handed the pooch back to me to calm him down. Artie was disappointed that the fun was ending but settled down nicely as we headed my home. Round One to Artie.
The lesson was simply enough – no running with the dog. Right? Wrong.
The very next day, we head out for the afternoon walk. All goes well until we’re about two blocks from home and Elmo spots these two fat squirrels sitting in the middle of the road. Instantly, he turns to Artie and starts to egg him on. Now, on Artie’s list of favorite things to chase, squirrels are in the top three. By the time Elmo was done, Artie was straining at the end of the leash ready to make a dash for the squirrels.
“Dad, stop teasing him or he’s going to pull me off my feet!” I told my father.
“Give him to me,” Elmo replied, “and I’ll let him chase those squirrels.”
“He’ll lung and pull you off your feet,” I warned my dad.
“Nah, I can keep up with this fat dog,” my dad replied confidently.
Now, at this point, I should have stopped and taken a moment to recall the last time my dad took the leash but I didn’t. I did the unthinkable and handed my dad the leash.
“Hey Artie”, he cried, “go get those squirrels!!!!”
Artie didn’t need to be told twice. He took off at top chasing speed across the street after those squirrels. The squirrels weren’t slouches either and took off for the nearest tree. Poor old dad. He also took off at top speed but he didn’t stand a chance. Much to his surprise and dismay, after only a few moments, Artie reached the end of the leash and kept on going. Elmo’s momentum was already forward since he was running at top speed and the result…. well, when 90lbs of dog flesh hit the end of the leash, Elmo was whipped off his feet.
Elmo didn’t just fall. He hit the pavement, flipped a summersault, and was dragged across the street. His only saving grace was that the squirrels ran up a tree and Artie stopped at the base. Otherwise, it’s anyone’s guess how far he’d have been dragged. My mom and I rushed over and once we confirmed there was no permanent injury, we began to laugh. Poor daddy lay sprawled in the middle of the street bleeding from both knees. He looked like a 12 year old kid who was just learning to skateboard thanks to the massive strawberries that were bleeding down his leg. His left hand, which was holding the leash, had been dragged along the ground as well. The result looked like he’s been a bar fight since every knuckle was bloody. Thank goodness he had a long sleeve shirt on or his elbows whould have been minced meat as well. Round Two, Artie.
He hobbled home and I broke out the first aid kit. Seven bandages and half a tube of Neosporin later, he was patched up but I don’t think I had stopped laughing. It was like something out of a Road Runner/Coyote cartoon. I mean, how many people get to see their dad dragged down the street by a fat dog chasing squirrels? If only I’d had my video camera, I could be rich.
The good news is that I think Elmo has finally learned not to run with the dog.
At least, I hope so.
