Author Archives: Chrissie

Carrot Love

My latest addiction is baby carrots. I’m sitting here at my desk, crunching away. Yum. The only problem is they turn my fingertips orange. Maybe I’ll try celery next. Who knows? Am I wild & crazy or what??

Vocab Lesson

This was sent to me by my old friend Alicia – she gets the funniest stories and is kind enough to send them out. I felt it was necessary to preserve this priceless information for future generations of men. Also, next time Kevin needs help, he can always boot up the computer and recheck this handy guide.

FINE
This word is used at the end of any argument that we feel we are right about but need to shut you up. NEVER use fine to describe how a woman looks. This will cause you to have on of those arguments.

FIVE MINUTES
This is half and hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your football game is going to last before you take out the trash, so I feel that it’s an even trade.

NOTHING
This means something and you should be on your toes. “Nothing” is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards. “Nothing” usually signifies an arguement that will last “Five Minutes” and end wih the word “Fine”.

GO AHEAD (with raised eyebrows)
This is a dare. One that will result in a woman getting upset at “Nothing” and will end with the word “Fine”.

GO AHEAD (normal eyebrows)
This means “I give up” or “do what you want because I don’t care”. You will get a raised eyebrow “Go Ahead” in just a few minutes, followed by “Nothing” and “Fine” and she will talk to you again in about “Five Minutes” when she cools off.

LOUD SIGH
This is not actually a word, but is still often a verbal statement commonly misunderstood by men. A “Loud Sigh” means she thinks you are an idiot at that moment and wonders why she is wasting her time standing there and arguing with you over “Nothing”.

SOFT SIGH
Again, not a word, but a verbal statement. “Soft Sighs” are one of the few things that some men actually understand. She is content. Your best bet is to not move or breathe and she will stay contant.

OH
This word as the lead to a sentence usually signifies that you are caught in a lie. Example, “Oh, I talked to him about what you were doing last night.” Do not try to lie more to get out of it, or you will get raised eyebrows “Go Ahead” followed by acts so unspeakable that I can’t bring myself to write about them.

THAT’S OK
This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can say to a man. “That’s OK” means that she wants to think long and hard before paying you retributions for whatever it is that you have done. “That’s OK” is often used with the word “Fine” and used in conjunction with a raised eyebrow “Go Ahead”. At some point in the near future when she has plotted and planned, you are going to be in some mighty big trouble.

PLEASE DO
This is not a statement, it is an offer. A woman is giving you the chance to come up with whatever excuse or reason you have for doing whatever it is that you haver done. You have a fair chance to tell the truth, so be careful and you shouldn’t get a “That’s OK”.

THANKS
A woman is thanking you. Do not faint, just say you’re welcome.

THANKS A LOT
This is much different than “Thanks”. A woman will say, “Thanks A Lot” when she is really ticked off at you. It signifies that you have hurt her in some callous way and will be followed by the “Loud Sigh”. Be careful not to ake what is wrong after the “Loud Sigh”, as she will only tell you “Nothing”.

Ghost in the Inbox

There’s a ghost in my inbox.

I’ll be working along, deep in my own little world, when up pops a message box. New mail has arrived. Would you like to read it now? I’ve decided that my inbox ghost is very sneaky. He only sends me mail when he knows I am on a roll and I will click “no” and get back to my deep thought. Here’s the mysterious part. When I head back to my inbox to read the new message, it’s gone. That’s right, gone. Nada. Zilch. Zero.

Lately, I’ve gotten wise. I try to catch him at his own game. When I see that little box, I hit “Yes”, cackling quietly to myself. Mostly, it’s just spam or some lame joke that pops up. But this last time, I think I caught him in the act because I hit yes and was told that the message had been moved and was no longer available. Hmmmm. Not only can he send me messages but he can move them around my mail box.

I’m going to stake out my inbox tonight. Just me, a flashlight and a bag of oreos. You want new mail, I’ll show you new mail…..

Copyright Trivia

Currently, most copyrights last for the life of the author plus 70 years. (Ignoring, of course, the Sony Bono Extension Act.) After that time, they become fair game. An odd piece of knowledge? Perhaps. But this means a lot of those “classic” tales are now free to all! So when I was overcome by a desire to reread Little Women (don’t ask why), I just hopped on over to BookValley and began to read. Better than buying a copy or hiking up to the library, eh? It was even better than I remembered it. Jo is still my favorite and I was devistated when little Beth dies. Sigh. I may try Huck Finn next to awaken my tomboy roots…. We’ll see.

Grrrr

Grrrr. The comments are down and I just realized that somehow I gave Kevin the administrator power. There’s nothing I can do – I’m helpless. This is even worse than the time he managed to snag the remote and we ended up watching a made for tv Bablyon 5 movie (wide screen edition). Since I have been regulated to mere posting peon, please direct all your frustrations here.