Today my law clerk, Andy, tried to explain to me the concept of “Slacker Stress”. He says he is currently suffering a severe case of this mysterious illness. According to Andy, this malady is caused by the following…

Slackers are, by their very nature, laid back. The dominant characteristic of a slacker is someone who kicks back and puts off work for another day. They are characterized as lazy, unmotivated, lethargic. And while this may be true, to a degree, Andy has informed me that in some cases, this lackadaisical attitude can develop into stress in the rare slacker.

It seems that after the slacking time is over, and crunch time hits, a huge wave of stress engulfs the poor slacker. Instead of starting his project on day one and working all week long, the slacker now finds himself up at 2am trying to cram a week’s worth of work in 6 hours. Hence the stress.

In even more extreme cases, like Andy’s, the stress may actually begin to build DURING the slacking. So while he sits on the sofa, drinking beer and watching football all day Sunday, there is a part of him which is also aware of what else he should be doing. Although his conscience is not strong enough to get him to turn off the tv and get to work, it does have enough strength to stress him out. The end result is a slacker who is slacking but stressed out at the same time. Knowing he is wasting time, knowing who much needs to be done, aware that he is falling into the same old trap of slacking but unable to break the cycle, the slacker is overcome by stress while slacking.

I am fascinated by this whole process. Andy says I should go here to learn more. I still think calling in sick due to “slacker stress” is a lame-ass excuse. Sorry Andy.