Author Archives: Chrissie

Where’s The Love?

Kevin sucks when it comes to sympathy. He has no idea how to baby someone. Instead of loving kindness, he gets all impatient and exasperated. This is why when I am feeling unwell, I banish him to the depths of the basement rather then listen to his exasperated sighing and grumbling as to why I can’t get off my lazy butt and clean the kitchen seeing as how it’s just a little temperature.

Thursday morning I didn’t feel so hot. I had eaten a very rich lamb dinner that was very very rare and it really didn’t sit well with me. It tasted good at the time but my poor stomach had a very hard time processing it. I was up tossing and turning all night and by morning, I was severely ill.

So Kevin comes downstairs to find me getting a lime soda and an apple from the fridge instead of the usual pastry and coffee.

“What’s up with the soda?” he asks as he rummages for his wallet and keys.

“My tummy doesn’t feel so good,” I reply slowly. I found moving too quickly maked me feel even worse and slowly shuffled out of the kitchen to get my jacket.

“Suck it up,” Kevin replied without even glancing at me “and take a couple of tums.” He then wanders off to find his shoes.

I manage to drag myself to the MAX station and find a seat when I break out in a sweat and feel my stomach begin to heave. I ended up chanting the Skippy Peanut Butter song to myself the whole ride in. For some reason, this songs has always comforted me. You know, “Momma loves me, loves a bunch, ‘cause she always puts Skippy’s….. in my lunch.” (The truly strange part is I hate peanut butter and my mom never made me PB&J as a kid so I have no idea why I love that song so much.) However, in time of great physical distress, I use this song as a mantra and it soothes me.

I almost made it to work when the guy sitting next to me begins to caress my leg. My first response is to throw up on him but I decided to take the high road and just got off the MAX early. I ended up sitting on a bench with my head between my legs for 20 minutes before I could get back on and finish the ride to work. By the time I got to the office, I was soaking with sweat and made a bee line for the bathroom.

I managed to turn on my computer and sat huddled over my trash can for a while telling myself to just “suck it up”. My friend Laura, after seeing my white face and shaky hands, took matters into her own hands. She grabbed the trash can and drove me home where I could be sick in the privacy of my own home.

When Kevin returned from work, he found me passed out on the sofa having gotten over the worst of it. His response? I should have taken the Tums like he said. Don’t worry, next time he’s sick, I know just how to play it.

The Pooka Life

Oh man am I getting old. My 10 year high school reunion is set for the end of this month. Ten years!!! I simply can’t believe it. First the grey hairs, now this. It’s all moving too quickly for me.

The worst part is that the reunion is going to be held on the beach in winter. That’s right, we were advised to wear sweat pants and sweat shirts. Yes, this is how I want to be remembered by the classmates, clad in an old pair of sweats. I was all set to draw on the power of my boots and now I’ve been denied.

Even worse, it looks like Kevin won’t be coming with me so I’ll have to brave the event alone. Due to a very hectic work load, my hubby will be MIA. I’m secretly hoping we find some last minute super cheat airfare and he came come too. Of course, I bet he’s secretly hoping it doesn’t happen. After all, he’s looking at a weekend without me to boss him around and make him do chores and other icky stuff. Not a bad deal really. Just Kevin, the poocheese, and the computer.

I am, however, looking forward to going home. It’s been forever and I simply can’t pass up the chance to see a pregnant Suzy. From the pictures I’ve seen, she looks ready to pop and she has still go three months to go.

Maybe I can figure out a way to wear my boots with my sweats. Yeah, that’s the ticket….

Back and Kicking

After talking it over with Elmo, Kevin decided not to try and change the blown belt. As we have no garage, the idea of lying under the car in the pouring rain just didn’t quite peak Kevin’s interest. Instead, he found a local Volvo shop and took it in. Half and hour and 30 bucks later, the old Volvo was as good as new.

The guys down at the shop, however, were impressed. “We don’t see a lot of ‘87 740’s here,” the repair man said, looking over the old ovlov. “When’d the belt go?” he asked Kevin.

“Yesterday,” Kev replied, proud to have brought in such a fine specimen of a 740.

“Well,” the guy replied, “you could keep driving it for a while.”

Kevin looked aghast. “But that would hurt the car!” he cried in despair.

The mechanic looked at Kev and said, “Man, you sure must love this car.”

Damn straight we love the Volvo! Kevin proceeded to the waiting room where he spied the latest IPA catalogue. “Cool!” he exclaimed as he settled in to wait for his baby.

The mechanic looked surprised that Kevin knew about IPA. “You do your own work?” he asked.
“Oh yeah,” Kevin fudged a little on this one. “I’d replace the belt myself but I don’t have a garage and with the rain and all, I thought I’d bring it in.”

The mechanic looked at Kevin with new found respect and managed to squeeze in our Volvo even though they were booked solid and were down on mechanic. So the Volvo is back and kicking!

The Pooka Life

Thanks to my friend Heather, I got to see Harry Potter last night.

I suppose it was wasted on me because I haven’t read any of the books and have pretty much managed to sidestep the whole hype. Strangely enough, Heather was in a bar on Saturday night where they were handing out free “sneak preview” passes. Now, this is a kids movie, right? So why are the passes being handed out in a bar on Sat night? Heather didn’t ask any questions, just grabbed three passes – good girl.

When she called with the good news, I knew we had to invite Kat. If anyone is a HP fan, it’s her. Rumor has it she waited in line to buy the latest HP book and loved them all. So the three of us wound up in the theater surround by hordes and hordes and hordes and hordes of kids. I mean, you couldn’t spit without hitting someone under 4 ft tall.

Before starting, they announced the movie was 2.5 hours long so if anyone had to pee, now would be the time. 50 nine year olds and myself dutifully tromped into the bathroom and back. (Hey, my mom taught me well, what can I say?)

And then the movie began. It was very good and didn’t feel like it was 2.5 hours long. In fact, the small person next to me managed to sit thought the whole thing and only had to cover her eyes once. Now, if you have children or have every babysat, I think you will realize the import of the fact that this movie managed to keep all these little squirmy people seated and quiet for over two hours. Wow. Unlike most Disney flicks, this one didn’t have any “adult humor” where the parents chuckle and the kids ask, “what happened?” The only questions that came from the kid by me where – “Mom, what does that say?”

Oddly enough, even though the short folks can’t read, they can recognize when there is writing. So every time there was a sign or a book or a letter that the audience had to read, the munchkin next to mean would lean into her mom and ask for a verbal interpretation. Smart kid.

The whole movie gave me a flash back to 7th grade when Becky Marshall and I used to pretend we were witches. We’d go down to the lower field by the fence and make up all sorts of strange stuff that I have managed to block from my memory. I think the biggest pull for me was the ability to fly. I would have signed on for that part alone given the chance.

But the movie was goods and the effects were very well done. Maybe I’ll read the book so I can decide if they did it justice but according to Kat and Heather, they were spot on.

The Pooka Life

Kevin just emailed me.

The Volvo blew a fan belt. The gauntlet has been thrown and we refuse to back down. Going to have a strategy session tonight and plan our attacked.

Don’t worry, I’ll keep you updated….

Nervous

I’m a little nervous today for three reasons. Independently, they are cause for only minor alarm but happening together…. Well, lets just say I’m out of un-bitten fingernails.

Factoid #1 – I added Kevin to Schwab.

Now, when you get married, one of the first big hassles is what to do about finances. You each had separate bank accounts, credit cards, and budgeting techniques back when you were a swinging single. After a few rounds of knock-down-drag-out fights about how much to spend where, or who spent more at the craft store vs Home Depot, you eventually settle on some compromise or decide to file for divorce. Our compromise was that I was in charge of all the money. (This makes sense to me as I was always the banker in monopoly and have a recurring dream where I’m rolling around my bed in piles of dollar bills but I digress.) Every week, I give Kevin his $20 fun money and admonish him not to spend it all in one place. Through a complex system of bribes, treats, and punishment, I have managed to wean him off of his credit cards. I had added him to all my accounts and the only account he had not yet gotten his hands on was Schwab.

Now, Schwab is my account. It’s where the big bucks sit and earn interest. You don’t touch Schwab unless it’s for something important. Up until last week, Kevin wasn’t on the account. In fact, Kevin wasn’t allowed within spitting distance of Schwab. If he even looked at it funny, I was on him like Artie on Collin*. That’s right, he couldn’t write a check, use the credit card or hit an ATM without me being there. But in a moment of weakness, I agreed to add him and yesterday the new checks arrived in the mail. Kevin tried to hide it but I saw him break into his greedy-smurf hand rub and I could almost see the pictures of Gforce 3 video cards and radial arm saws dancing through his head.

Factoid #2 – Kevin has a week off.

WaferTech is a 24 hour fab. This means that at every moment of every day there is some poor engineer working. In order to remain fair, the engineers rotate through. This is known as “being on shift.” You work for 12 hours, get off 12 hours, work for 12 hours, and so on. In order to compensate for this awful work schedule, you get a week off of work. So Kevin just finished up his shift and is currently in his week off mode. This consists of a lot of computer playing, surfing ebay for computer parts, and trying to devise ways to break into the Schwab account.

Factoid #3 – Kevin is going to Costco today.

On his days off, Kevin hits Costco because he can go during the day and avoid the massive crowds and actually park within sight of the building. However, since he is on his own, he has no loving wife to restrain him so he usually ends up standing at the car with a cart full of stuff wondering how he’s going to justify spending $300 in an half an hour.

Now, put it all together and you can see why, as I type these words, my hands are shaking with fear. Kevin has been surfing the web, dreaming of all the cool stuff he wants/needs, Kevin has access to Schwab and suddenly has the purchasing power to buy all that cool stuff he wants/need, and Kevin is going to Costco where not only do they sell all the cool stuff but it comes in a 4-pack which, if you break the cost down, means you can get more for less.

I’m debating calling Schwab and reporting my card stolen. I have a feeling, that’s my only hope…

*Collin is a very nice man who came over for dinner last week. Artie, for reasons unknown, decided Collin was a threat to his dominance and spent the whole night humping his leg. We apologized profusely and Collin, gentleman that he is, laughed it off. However, he has kindly refused all other dinner invitations and, well, I don’t blame him.