Author Archives: Chrissie

Wisdom Teeth

No picture or projects today I’m afraid. Instead, Artie and I are holed up here in the basement trying to be as quiet as possible. You see, today Kevin had all four widom teeth extracted and it didn’t go so well. When I dropped him off, they said to return in 45 minutes but when I reappeared to claim my husband, I was told they were still working on him. An hour later, I was lead into a dark room where he lay in deep sleep. The dentist said his teeth were very impacted and they were unable to remove them whole. Instead, they had to break them apart and pick them out piece by piece. Just listening to the dentist gave me shivers. Luckily, Josh gave Kevin the wonderful advice to go under instead of getting a local so Kevin was feeling just dandy. He was trying to smile and kid around but with a mouth full of gauze, it just came out in an incoherent mumble.

They expect Kevin to have a lot of pain so they gave him a perscription for Percoset (spelling??). So far, he’s still sleeping but once that anethsesia wears off, I think I’m going to have a very grumpy Kevin on my hands. I have a feeling this is going to be a very long weekend so wish me luck.

I have to sign off here and go change his gauze pads. Bleck!

The Floor

Kevin came home last night and didn’t know whether to be impressed or frightened. He thought I was going to just pull up a piece of carpet. He didn’t realize I was going to go kamikaze and ripe up everything. We walked through the bare room and both agreed that the floor had potential but it needed a lot of help. This was going to take more than a coat of varnish. We were going to need power tools! Most of the furniture is back in place and there are area rugs covering the floor now but here are one or two shots of the newly exposed floor.

After a long day spent ripping and tear, I fell into bed exhausted only to discover one major problem with having removed the carpet.

Artie.

Normally, he sleeps by the bed as shown in this photo. From this spot he can watch the kitties climb up the stairs and protect us from their wicked ways. However, now that the nice padded carpet is gone, the only thing between Artie and the floor is his thin little dog bed. Not only is the ground hard, but it’s cold. So last night at about 1am, he snuck up on the bed and proceed to push me out of it. I was too tired to fight him so I grabbed a pillow and went downstairs to sleep the rest of the night on the sofa in the living room. Before falling back into a fitful slumber, I vowed that he wasn’t going to get away with this.

So today, I headed to Joann’s Fabric store where I purchased some fleece material and a large foam block. Relying on my extensive viewing of HGTV, I decided to upholster a little dog bed for my pooch. It was simple enough, foam on the inside, fleece on the outside.

The result you can see for yourself. A lovely, thick, comfy bed with a removable (and washable) fleece covering. If Artie won’t sleep here tonight, maybe I will!

The Pooka Life

My friend, Laura, sent me this joke. Finally, a lawyer joke that doesn’t involve snakes, sharkes or killing lawyers……

Two physicians boarded a flight out of Seattle. One sat in the
window seat, the other sat in the middle seat. Just before
takeoff, an attorney got on and took the aisle seat next to the
two physicians. They introduced themselves and settled
back for the flight.

The attorney kicked off his shoes, wiggled his toes and was
settling in when the physician in the window seat said,” I think
I’ll get up and get a coke.”

“No problem,” said the attorney, “I’ll get it for you.”

While he was gone, one of the physicians picked up the attorney’s
shoe and spat in it.

When he returned with the coke, the other physician said, “That
looks good, I think I’ll have one too.”

Again, the attorney obligingly went to fetch it and while he was
gone, the other physician picked up the other shoe and spat in
it. The attorney returned and they all sat back and enjoyed the
flight. As the plane was landing, the attorney slipped his feet
into his shoes and knew immediately what had happened.

“How long must this go on?” he asked. “This fighting between our
professions? This hatred? This animosity? This spitting in
shoes and pissing in cokes?”

Grumpy

Poor Kevin. He has horribly scarred Artie and feels just awful. You see, Kevin is this wonderfully sweet guy unless two things happen to him. If he is both tired and hungry, he turns into a volcano of anger just waiting to explode. He can handle tired, he can handle hungry but put them together and what have you got? A very explosive Kevin. He’s kind of like a gremlin. All cute and cuddly so long as you don’t break one simple rule. If you do, watch out!

So the other night, Kevin was tired and hungry. Artie was being a pest and was ready for this nightly stroll so Kevin hooked him up and headed out. Normally, strolling round the neighborhood with the pooch is fun. But this night, unbeknownst to Artie, Kevin was that deadly combo of tired/hungry. On top of that, Artie was very rambunctious and naughty – barking at people and darting all over the place. By the end of the walk, Kevin was even more grumpy that when he started. Unfortunately for both dog and dad, baby Wicks decided to take that moment to hang out on the drive way.

Kevin turns the corner and begins walking to the back gate. He’s tired and almost home so he probably wasn’t paying too much attention. I mean, he’s almost home free and baby Wicks is an all black cat who, at night, is almost invisible to the human eye. Unfortunately, she is still highly visible to the canine eye.

Artie saw Wicks on the driveway – Wicks saw Artie. Being a cat, she did the sensible thing and made a dash for the nearest bush. Being a dog, Artie had a Pavlovian response and lunged after her.

Now, to fully appreciate this story, you must realize two things. First, Artie is a very big (some might even say fat) dog. Second, it only takes about three bounding leaps before he is at the end of his leash. So poor unsuspecting Kevin saw a blur of black on black streak by and before you could say bibitybobityboo, Artie had hit the end of his leash and kept on going. Something had to give and that night, it Kevin was arm. More particularly the part of his arm socket that joined his shoulder to his chest.

It was too much for Kevin. The hunger, the tiredness, the whole bad walking behavior and now his arm being ripped from his socket. He blew and he blew big time. I was inside the house, watching TV and I heard the yelling. Next thing I know, Artie comes tearing through the back door, tail between his legs, and he scooches under my feet shaking. He’s scared and I don’t blame him. He was followed by a very angry Kevin who yelled about the “stupid” dog for a while. Although Kevin gets really really mad, it only lasts a few seconds and then he feels just horrible. After eating dinner and resting for a little while, he apologized to Artie and we thought all was well.

Until the next night.

Kevin finished the nightly walk and headed toward the back door. Artie (who must be part elephant which would explain not only his great memory but his weight issues) was fine until they hit the driveway. Then he suddenly lowered his head, his tail dropped and he refused to go any farther. He knew this was were poppa went open loop last time and he wanted no part in that game. Kevin managed to coax him through the door where he promptly ran into the living room and cowered under my legs. It’s been three nights and so far, Artie is still freaked out. He’s fine until Kevin takes that last turn and then he goes into scared mode and Kevin has to practically drag him into the back yard. Poor Kevin feels simply awful for traumatizing him but no matter how many treats he offers, Artie is still scared. Oddly enough, he has no problem when I walk him down the driveway. He bounces along all happy go lucky but if Kevin is holding the leash, he becomes scaredy-dog.

I don’t think Kevin fully realized how scary he is when he gets mad. But having to watch the pooch cower in fear every time they walk up the drive has really hit home. Poor Kevin.

Warp Field

I have decided that my house is situated on some strange time warp field. This field appears to be particularly active on weekday mornings between the hours of 7-8am. If you are not careful, you will find yourself sucked into this deadly distortion and brutally victimized by its effect.

This morning, both Kevin and I were victims of said field.

I know this because at 7:45am, we were both in separate rooms, looked at the nearest clock and yelled, “Ghaaaak! Look at the time, I’m late, I’m late! How did this happen????” Now that I am here at work, contemplatively sipping my coffee and eating my sesame seed bagel, it is obvious. We were clearly struck by a massive time warp field this morning. Really, we didn’t stand a chance.

It goes something like this.

The alarm goes off and you peer over your pillow (squinting if you don’t have perfect vision and are too spineless for LASIK). The little evil black box is flashing 7am and you think, “just 5 more minutes, then I’ll get up.” Unbeknownst to you, a massive time distortion field is forming around your bed and you won’t realize it until it’s too late.

“Traffic and weather every ten minutes on the 5, 15, 25, 35, 45, and 55 past the hour. It’s 7:25 and here is Steve Nelson with the traffic.” Some part of your bleary, barely functioning brain begins to listen to what I-5 North is looking like and then it hits you. 7:25!!! You bolt upright, grab your glasses and realize your five minutes have stretched into twenty. “Ghaaak! We’re late!” you yell, elbowing your spouse and kicking the dog in the face. “Sorry Artie, but momma overslept.” Both of your stumble out of bed and into the closet where, in your frantic state, your select a black skirt and navy blue hose. It isn’t until you get down stairs in the sunlight that you realize your mistake. Of course, by now it’s past 7:30 so you grab what you hope are a pair of black hose with no runs and stuff them in your purse. A quick trip to the bathroom and you emerge groomed and clean by 7:40. Now, you are ahead of the curve and this is where the time warp really sinks you. That early warp was just a warm up really.

You see your spouse stumble by wearing a yellow shirt, tan pants and black shoes but figure a) he’s a guy and b) he’s an engineer and decide to let him leave looking like a fashion disaster. After you get him out the door, you realize you have 5 minutes before you have to go and so you slow down.

It’s like a bad horror movie.

There you are breathing a sigh of relief as you casually gather your purse and lunch together while right above you is hovering a huge time distortion cloud. If you listen very carefully, you can hear the kids in the back of the theater yelling “Noooooo! Don’t slow down, run, run you stupid girl!” Silently, deadly, the time field drops over you as you open your shoe closet.

“Lets see, I could wear the navy and match the hose but I’m going to change them so I probably want black. Looks like rain so no open toed shoes. Those heels hurt last time but I am wearing a skirt so maybe something with a little height….” You dig around blissfully, trying on this pair and that when you hear, vaguely, from the bedroom……

“Traffic and weather every ten minutes at the 5, 15, 25, 35, 45, and 55 past the hour. It’s 7:55 and here’s….” You look up, frantic, and shake off the gossamer tendrils of that sneaky time cloud and a strangled “Ackleryp” emerges. You shove your feet into your tennis shoes ‘cause you’re going to have to run now. Throwing yourself into your car, you run every yellow light to the park and ride, and sprint over the bridge to the commuter platform where you just manage to squeeze through the last door on the 8:01am MAX train before it leaves the station. Exhausted but relieved, you slump into the nearest seat only to realize two things.

1. You forgot to grab a pair of shoes and will be stuck wearing your ratty old tennis shoes all day.
2. Your purse, replacement hose, lunch and all your money is sitting on the kitchen table and you will have to borrow a few bucks from your co-workers. Again.

I have yet to find a way to beat this time warp in my house but I have discovered how to mitigate the side effects once I am outside of its range. You see, I keep a pair of black hoes, black shoes, extra money, one whole work outfit. hair brush, tooth brush and toothpaste, and one frozen lunch here at work so when I arrive haggard and mismatched, I can collect myself quietly in the women’s bathroom and emerge (half and hour to an hour later depending on the severity of the morning time warp field) ready to face the day.

I’m thinking we may need the help of a professional exorcist at home. I mean, clearly, it’s not our fault. There’s just some strange supernatural force working against us. Thank goodness they do the traffic and weather every ten minutes on the 5, 15, 25, 35, 45, and 55 past the hour! ,

Domestic Goddess

WWas an absolute domestic goddess yesterday. Kevin is going to have a tough time following my act. He’s on shift and worked all day Sunday. While he was gone, I cleaned the house, pulled weeds, baked banana nut bread, went grocery shopping, chopped kindling, built roaring fire, walked dog, and baked the world’s best lasagna.
Why all the effort?

Because, when he has his week off next week, I will be able to demand the same level of attentiveness. You didn’t think I was doing this for purely altruistic purposes, did you? Kevin came home last night to a warm fire, good dinner, and clean house. He was impressed but undaunted. Although he admits my little performance on Sunday raised the bar, he claims he can top it. We’ll see.