With two small kids, even the littlest things take a Herculean effort. Take, for example, the simple act to getting into the car. Usually, my car routine runs something like this for a simple run to Safeway.<\/p>\n
Step 1: Announce we are leaving. When 3 yr old (3YO) hears this, she immediately declares she doesn’t want to go anywhere and runs upstairs to hide. Ignore 3YO and grab 1 yr old (1YO). Shove squirming 1YO into socks, shoes and jacket. Release now screaming 1YO and start negotiations with 3YO. Start with nice voice, move on the threats, capitulate with promise of a donut. Get socks, shoes and jacket on squirming 3YO. Find own shoes, socks, jacket and purse. Head for door.<\/p>\n
Step 2: Get out the door. 1YO begins to freak out with irrational fears she will be left behind and begins crying and holding on to your leg for dear life. Pick up 1YO and comfort her while grabbing keys and open door. 3YO shoots out the door and immediately runs for the street. (Why the street? Why? We have a nice lawn, driveway and sidewalk but no, it’s always the street.) Try to quickly lock door while holding 1YO and watching 3YO in the street at the same time. Convince 3YO to return to car and start to load.<\/p>\n
Step 3: Re-entry. 1YO begins whining and saying “pa-plach, pa-plach, pa-plach”. Realize you have left Patches, ultimate security blanket inside. Wrangle 3YO and 1YO back inside.<\/p>\n
Step 4: Begin Hunt. Upon entering, dog immediately freaks out. He goes wild with joy because you have come back after having been gone all of 90 seconds. He immediately lunges at you, knocking over 3YO who starts crying. Comfort 3YO, reprimand dog, all while holding 1YO who continues to moan “pa-plach, pa-plach.” Stumble around living room kicking over piles of toys and worn clothing looking for one of the seven Patches blankets you bought at Wal-Mart. Locate Patches, give to 1YO, who melts in your arms and begins patting your back lovingly.<\/p>\n
Step 5: Attempt Second Exit. Now you can head for the door again. Except you can’t find 3YO. A quick look around reveals her discarded shoes and flung jacket. She emerges at the top of the stairs with the story that she wants to bring her blanket as well. Unfortunately, her blanket does not have any clones so you begin to explain that if we bring it and it gets dirty, we will have to wash it which means no sleeping with it during nap. 3YO promises most solemnly not to get blanket dirty. Capitulate. Insert squirming 3YO into shoes and jacket again.<\/p>\n
Step 6: Get out the Door v.2: See above only this time, 3YO runs across the wet lawn dragging blanket through mud and into dirty street. Sigh. Finally, finally get 1YO into car seat and buckled. Spend 3 minutes running up and down sidewalk chasing 3YO. Finally overtake child and make mental note to start working out. Catch breath. Load 3 YO into car. Sit down in front seat and realize you left the shopping list in the house. Visualize list and coupons sitting on kitchen table.<\/p>\n
Step 7: Internal Moral Debate. What to do. Unbuckle kids and go back for list? Brave store without a list and risk missing essential item and have to return again? Leave kids in car while you grab list? Immediately visual 60 Minutes report of mother who left kids in car and they got stolen or hurt. Visualize trying to get them unloaded again. Visualize wandering around store without a list. Debate.<\/p>\n
Step 8: Re-entry v.2. Decide to risk it. Leave kids in car and run inside. Get mauled by dog (again) who is so happy to see you. Grab list. Run back to car, heart pounding. Make second mental note to start working out.<\/p>\n
Step 9: Drive. Finally. Start car. Head for market. Totally exhausted.<\/p>\n
I find I’ve turned into a very slow drive. I savor the drive. It’s my chance to unwind and re-energize for the terror that shortly follows: getting kids safely through parking lot and store. So next time you’re behind a slowly moving mom, give her a break. Odds are pretty good she’s merely recharging for the next big adventure in childrearing.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
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