No, not two babies. Two adults. Namely, mom and grandma. With Tutu here, I feel invincible. If Kulia is fussy and having a hard time, I can take her into her darkened room and nurse, rock, and love her down to sleep no matter how long it takes because I know Tutu has Leina. If I need a break from fussy newborn-ness, I can hand Kulia off to Tutu and head outside with Leina to explore the wonders of our backyard with a two year old. It’s heavenly. Then, when Kevin comes home at night, there are actually three of us! This means we can cooks, clean, run laundry, and each little girl has her own adult playmate during the whole evening. Heavenly.<\/p>\n
The thought, however, of losing Tutu is too much. The other night, Kevin, Tutu and Leina all went to the store leaving me alone with baby sister and the strangest thing happened. Call it hormones or post partum depression or just after birth craziness but I suddenly began to panic. Before I knew it, I was having a full blown panic attack. My heart was racing, my stomach was tight and I was sweating. All over the thought of being alone with Kulia. I was terrified that when she woke up, I wouldn’t be able to care for her. I was convinced she was going to start screaming and I wouldn’t be able to stop it. Irrational, I know, but there it was. I was afraid of my own child.<\/p>\n
Of course, she did, in fact, wake up. And I nursed her and loved her and everything was ok. But that gut churning anxiety is still here. Every time I pass a calendar and mentally could how many days of my mom I have left I feel it stir and start to boil. How am I every going to handle all this by myself? How does any mom juggle two kids all day long? When Kulia needs to go down for a nap, who’s going to watch Leina for 30 min while I put down baby sister? If Leina needs help, who’s going to cuddle Kulia while I’m busy? When it’s time to nurse Kulia, who’s going to watch Leina? I’ve run all the possible senarios and there is only one conclusion.<\/p>\n
Tutu is going to have to live with us.<\/p>\n
Sorry dad, but I need her more than you. Maybe we’ll just fly her back to you for a weekend or two. Or maybe, we’ll just keep her here with her sweet little grand girls. I’m sure she wouldn’t mind one bit!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
No, not two babies. Two adults. Namely, mom and grandma. With Tutu here, I feel invincible. If Kulia is fussy and having a hard time, I can take her into her darkened room and nurse, rock, and love her down to sleep no matter how long it takes because I know Tutu has Leina. If […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-699","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p2Kqhb-bh","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.chrissierocks.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/699","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.chrissierocks.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.chrissierocks.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.chrissierocks.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.chrissierocks.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=699"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.chrissierocks.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/699\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.chrissierocks.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=699"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.chrissierocks.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=699"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.chrissierocks.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=699"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}