So I\u2019m here in LA but just barely. My flight left PDX at 7pm on the nose. Only problem was that Kevin, my chauffeur, was under the mistaken impression that I left at 9pm. Now, I\u2019m sure you\u2019ll realize there is a rather large time difference between 7 and 9. And in this time difference, planes tend to leave without their tardy passengers.<\/p>\n
At 6pm, I was sitting at home, sweating bullets when Kevin called me.<\/p>\n
\u201cHey pooks, it\u2019s me. I\u2019m heading home now but I think I\u2019ll stop for gas on my way. Do you want me to pick up any dinner?\u201d he asked innocently.<\/p>\n
I was flabbergasted. My flight left in an hour and Kevin was still in Washington a whole state away.<\/p>\n
\u201cWell, um, I guess I can drive myself to the airport,\u201d I replied doubtfully. It was at this moment that Kevin realized the situation. He managed to make the drive home in a mere 15 minutes (I don\u2019t even want to think what speed he had to maintain to achieve that), and had me to the airport by 6:30. That gave me only 30 minutes to get through airport security. Now be nice. Stop laughing.<\/p>\n
It must be some cruel twist of fate that whenever you are late for a plane, you are destined to set off all the metal detectors. I was wanded, patted down, and had my bag emptied. They even took my shoes.<\/p>\n
Now, my mother always told me to wear clean underwear in case I\u2019m in an accident but she never told me to wash my feet in case my shoes are confiscated by airport security. This afternoon, I planted three flowers, watered the lawn and ran around the backyard with my pooch barefoot and happy. So when the security lady asked to see the bottom of my feet, I had to do a mental flinch. Although I had not checked the status of my feet, I was pretty sure they were rather grimy. I have no idea why they had to see the soles of my feet. I seriously doubt there were any explosive materials down there but regardless of the reason, I raised my tootsies and waited while no less then two people examined my dirty soles. I must have passed muster because I was given back my shoes and allowed to proceed to the gate where I was randomly selected for a second security screening and yes, the bottom of my dirty feet were once again examined. Having been properly humiliated, I was allowed on the plane that promptly departed. Although I\u2019m not planning on returning to the airport tomorrow, I\u2019m going to wash my feet tonight so I\u2019ll be ready for any spot inspections.<\/p>\n
I thought I had the world at my fingertips by mastering the clean undie trick and now they through this clean feet thing at me. What are next, dandruff checks? Oh the horror!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
So I\u2019m here in LA but just barely. My flight left PDX at 7pm on the nose. Only problem was that Kevin, my chauffeur, was under the mistaken impression that I left at 9pm. Now, I\u2019m sure you\u2019ll realize there is a rather large time difference between 7 and 9. And in this time difference, […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-159","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p2Kqhb-2z","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.chrissierocks.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/159","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.chrissierocks.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.chrissierocks.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.chrissierocks.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.chrissierocks.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=159"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.chrissierocks.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/159\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.chrissierocks.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=159"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.chrissierocks.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=159"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.chrissierocks.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=159"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}