Chrissierocks

I am sore all over today. Lets just say I'd never make it as a lumberjack.

Last winter we tried to buy wood for fires and were laughed at over the phone. Apparently, one must purchase wood during the summer months to allow it to dry. Who knew? So we vowed not to be taken unaware and order 1/2 a cord of wood last weekend. Having not idea what a cord is, I wanted to order a full one but Kevin talked me down to just 1/2 a cord.

So Saturday morning at the ungodly hour of 10am, I met the wood guy and his son out front. (Kevin had to work Sat so I was on my own). They backed into the driveway and proceeded to unload a *huge* mount of wood. I realized rather quickly that -it hurts to say this- Kevin was right. 1/2 a cord is plenty. Daunted by the sight of all that wood, I did the only logical thing and went back to bed. Unfortunately, the wood pile looked as big as before at 2 in the afternoon so I did the next logical thing and dropped the blinds. Out of sight, out of mind, right?

When Kev got back we headed out to the pile and set to work. We had our awl, sledgehammer, ax and wedge. All we were lacking was the muscle and coordination. It was pathetic. Our neightbors actually gathered at their window to watch and laugh at us. The worse part was Kevin's awful puns. "Give it your awl", "you're awl most done", "one more hit and it's awl over". Try swinging a sledge hammer and laughing at the same time.

So we've split 10 logs. I feel like someone took a sledgehammer to me. Only 120 more to go. I figure by the time we want to light a fire, we should be done. If only I could find someone who'd deliver a cord of Duraflame I'd be set.

I always suspect I was something special - this just confims it. I am worth $2,119,270.00. That's right, you'll need over 2 million to get yourself your own Chrissie. Go here to find out what you're worth. But don't worry if you can't beat my asking price. I am pretty special!

Kevin's latest idea is to have a dog BBQ. No, I don't mean we'll be BBQing actually dogs. Rather, he wants to invite all of our friends who own dogs over, turn the canines loose in the backyard, and bbq for all the humans. Now, I have two small issues with this plan.

Issue 1 - Artie. We love our dog but he has some issues. He simply has to be the top dog. This means he is always trying to dominate any other dog that looks funny at him. Little dogs he doesn't have a problem with. He knows he's bigger. The big pooches, however, he sees as a true challenge. He has launched himself at these huge rotties and shepards fully prepared to kick some canine butt. Lets just say, it's a miracle he's survived this long.

Point 2 - Kevin's cooking. Most of you out there already know the Kevin cooking stories. However, my favorite is the last time we tried this dog BBQ. We had two dogs - little Melo and Daisy. Daisy belongs to Kevin's brother, Chris, and she is the reason we got Artie. She is a very sweet dog but very scared of strangers. She loved Melo and they began romping around our backyard. Kevin was out there cooking away. Of course, he had a ton of coals and had used 1/2 a bottle of lighter fluid so we had some serious flame going on the old weber grill. Melo & Daisy were playing chase. Melo took a sharp corner around the barbie; Daisy followed but didn't quite make it. Next thing we knew, the grill was tipped over, charcoal all over the lawn, and we watched in fascination as the grass caught fire.

Now, that was just two dogs. I don't even want to think what would happen if we try and add more.

There are four areas to which I defer absolutely to Kevin. In these aspects of our life, he rules supreme. One of these areas is chili.

I'm not sure why, but Kevin was given the gift of chili. I think it's because he has eaten so much chili, he has developed a sixth sense with regard to what makes a killer chili. Strangely enough, he feels the need to create his masterpiece when it is hot outside. Now, most people would think simmering pots of beans all afternoon in hot weather would be suicide. But not Kevin, oh no, for Kev, heat and chili go hand in hand.

This weekend was nice and hot. A typical August day and Kevin got bit by the chili bug. We were having some friends over for dinner and Kev decide it was a chili day. He tried something a little different and made one pot of veggie chili and one pot of good old fashion meat lovers chili. And, as always, it was wonderful. We had to eat outside because our house was a sauna but it was worth it. We still have at least 10 lbs left so I'm thinking chili dogs, chili cheese nachos, sloppy joe's - the possibilities are endless. Maybe I'll see if he'll post his recipe here online. Then you too can experience the joy of hot chili on a warm summer day.

I love looking through this weblog. Everyday he puts up a new photo and they are amazing. Go take a look for yourself.

The Chili Recipe
Ok, to my defense, I don't think, "hot summer day - make chili"
We did have a cold front move in for two days, making me think of the fall, and the cooler temperatures to come. That made me think of the chili. Once I have chili on the brain nothing will do but to make it, no matter the temperature.

My favorite recipe comes by way of my brother in Montana. In fact, the name of the recipe is: Montana Gourmet Chili. Which is to say it has bacon in it. If you're in Montana and you add bacon to your recipe you can, by law, call it 'gourmet' - but you can not call it healthy.

The recipe is very simple, but takes a long time to cook and, as previously stated, it is BAD for you. If you are faint of heart do not read on. Just looking at the recipe can clog your arteries.

Montana Gourmet Chili

1 lb ground sausage
1 lb ground beef (though I use grd turkey - better flavor)
1 lb bacon (get the good kind - not that low fat turkey stuff)

1 medium onion (gotta have your vegatables!)
1 green pepper ( I usually leave this out since it takes away from the meat)
4 15oz cans of kidney beans (or any other bean you like - black is always nice)
1 28oz can of chopped tomatoes<
1 pt tomatoe juice (a 15oz can of sauce will substitue if you don't have any juice)

1 heaping tbsp (might be a tsp - be careful) of Garlic Powder
1 heaping tbsp (I know this is a tbsp) of Chili Powder
1 heaping tbsp ground Cumin (this makes it good)
1 regular tbsp Oregano
2 tsp Cinamon (the 'magic' ingredient)
2 tsp Sugar
1 tsp Salt (add to taste)

In a large pot add the tomatoes, juice, and beans and start them simmering. Fry up the bacon then set it aside. Chop your onions (and peppers) then saute them in the bacon grease. Once the onions are done add them to the pot and crumble in the bacon. Fry up your ground meat, then crumble it into the pot. Bring it all to a boil for 40-60 min. to reduce it to the consistancy you want. Then simmer it for 2 hours, stirring every 15 min. Serve with mild sour cream and grated cheese. Enjoy.

A little GW Bush humor to start your day.

Had a comedy of errors trying to get out of the house this morning. I have a feelig this is going to be one of those days I should have stayed in bed. We stayed up late working on the computers and I prepped a CD I needed to take to work. We were in the car and backing out of the driveway when I remembered I had left it in the basement. So I hopped out and ran to the side door only to see Blitz sticking her head out the door. Somehow, we had forgotten to close the door when we left! Ran in, grabbed the CD, made sure the door was closed and Blitz was safely inside, and ran back to the car. We pulled out of the driveway and had gotten a good ten blocks when it hit me. I had rolled out of bed late which is nothing unusual but due to the hot weather, I ran outside and turned on the sprinkler so our poor grass could soak up some agua. Of course, I forgot to tell Kevin I did this. I turned to him and said, "you turned off the water when you but Artie in the back, right?" So we flipped a quick u-turn. Back to the house for a second time to turn off the water. Poor Artie got so excited when we showed up. Had to break his heart and tell him, no, he has to stay.

I'm hoping all the doors are locked and all the applicance and water is off. And it's only Wed. Ick.

I am getting sick.

I can feel this tickle in my throat and I'm so tired. All I want to do is curl up with my kitties and sleep for the rest of the afternoon. Instead, I am stuck here behind my desk trying to draft some motions. Sigh.

Found a site called jump the shark that analyzes when, exactly, a tv series peaks. Enjoy!

Amazon.com reviews with a edge here.

A way to avoid spam mail? Could this work? If someone could explain how this works I'd appreciate it.

It's official. I am sick. I have managed to get out of bed and am headed for the sofa/TV. Of course, it's fricking 100 degrees in our house right now and so I'm going to melt soon. This may be my last post ever. I love you all!!! (Please send money in lieu of gifts....)

I have recovered enough energy to go see my friend, Josh, preform last night. His band is called Malibu Run and they are a totally swinging/rock-a-billy band. Check out their web site for their next show. I give them 2 thumbs up!

I had no idea that there was the whole rockabilly musical subculture out there. It was kind of fun to see all the rolled up jeans and slicked back hair. And my goodness these people know how to swing. We also heard a few sets from Johnny Mercury. Couldn't stay too late as the nightquill began to kick in. I guess I'm just getting old.

I used to read Tarot cards. It was actually quite fun and I even began to make by own deck. Unfortunately, I had to stop once it became painfully clear that I have no artistic ability whatsoever. I'll try and scan in a sample card - it's worth a few laughs. I'm thinking of dusting off my divination skills so if you want to help me get back in the groove, let me know and I'll try and divine your future. No guarantees though.

I've been in a restless mood lately and this weekend I decided it was time for a Big Change. That's right, I decided I wanted to go blond. I thought this would definitely rattle things up. Unfortunately (or fortunately depending on your view), Kevin managed to talk me down from blond to red. Off to the store to buy some bottled gunk and then, 30 minutes later, it was all over. Unfortunately (or fortunately depending on your view), my hair proved to be resilient to color. Kevin says if I stand perfectly still in direct sunlight he can see a difference. I think he just wants to keep me happy. This only goes to support my initial feelings that blond is the answer. Of course, it did cover all my white hair that has mysterious appeared ever since I married Kevin. Hmmmm. Wonder if there is some sort of connection there?

Happy Anniversary Kevin! Now, where's my present???? Oh yeah, I love you, you're a wonderful husband, etc, etc.

We had a wonderful anniversary. Kevin came home with presents (always a good start) and then we headed out to my favorite resturant, il piatto. If you are ever looking for a wonderful place to eat, I highly recommend it. We found it because Kevin's brother used to take girls there if he was trying to impress them. Now I know why. Not too expensive but excellent service and very intimate atmosphere. And yummy wine. Ahhhhh. And the best part was we made it home in time to catch the end of BattleBots on tv. Could it get any better????

T O O M A N Y P E O P L E.

If you ever want a good laugh, I'd recommend listening to a two men discuss fashion. It is simply hilarious. I thought I would die laughing. Kevin & Josh were discussing the finer points of fashion last night. Oh lord, I wish I have a tape recorder to capture the discussion. Talk about the blind leading the blind. Anyhow, I've decided to do some investigative research into the dark and mysterious world of men's fashion. What I need to know is:

How many pairs of shoes does a man own? (Excluding the specialty pair like snow boots or hiking).

Drop me an email or pop your total into the guestbook (if you wish to be anonymous) with your total if you'd like to participate in this ground breaking research. If I get enough of a response, I'll put something good together.

Oh yeah, Kat and Mikey, thank you for supporting my blond dream.

The main page picture is courtesy of my old pal, Jill. She is actually wackier than I am. Hard to believe, no?

At last - the proof you've been waiting for!

Going to be a busy weekend. On Sat we are helping Josh and Kat move into their new apartment/palace. 3 bedrooms, 2 bath with airconditioning and fireplace. I offered to move all the pillows and lampshades. Strangely enough, they weren't quite as impressed by this offer as I hoped. I don't think they realize the level of expertise necessary to safely transport these items.

Sunday is also a move day for Kevin's dad. I have been told that my pillow/lamp shade moving skills are not needed as professionals have been hired. Instead, I'm going to the bridal shower for Carla. Which reminds me, I need to pick up a shower present for her.

I haven't had much luck with my shower presents lately. When I buy them, they seem like such a good idea. But once I'm at the shower and the co-workers and relative gifts turn out to be useful things like kitchen gadgets and books, the edible cherry underware suddenly seems like not the right way to go. Might have to reign in my present this time and run with the crowd on this one. We'll see.....

Made an interesting discovery about Artie this weekend. It turns out, he hates motorcycles. I always thought he didn't like the loud sounds they make. But this weekend, it was confirmed. He actually hates the cycle, not just the noise.

Now, you maybe asking yourself, how do I know what my dog is feeling? To assuage your doubts, I offer the following pieces of evidence.

One of our neighbors has a Harley. He always offers to give me a ride when he sees me but so far I've turned him down. (You can rest easy mom). Anyhow, it's all shiny and has black leather and these big pouches of the side. I know nothing about Harleys but it sure looks cool to me. Anyway, if you own a motorcycle in Portland, your riding window is very narrow if you don't enjoy riding in the rain. So lately, he's been revving around on his bike. This weekend, he parked it right on his front walk that leads up to his front door.

Enter Artie. We we heading out for our walk, same as normal, when all of a sudden he went into "kick ass" mode. This behavior is mostly seen when a bigger dog approaches or someone who is smoking. (Did I forget to mention he also hates cigarette smoke? A dog after my mother's heart.) Anhwho, the hair on his back is sticking straight up, his tail is out, teeth barred, ears back, down low and mean to the ground. I'm looking all around for either a) another dog or b) a cigarette and am totally baffled.

Looking rabid, he launches into what I like to call Attack Mode Alpha. This involves loud barking, snapping, and a dancing back and forth in front of the bigger dog/cigarette smoker. Only, much to my surprise, his target is the parked motorcycle. Now, the motorcycle isn't idling or even moving. It's just parked there. But Artie doesn't care. After snapping viciously for a few seconds, he moves into Attack Mode Beta. This attack is used when the physical display doesn't work and the dog/person hasn't fled in terror.

I think Artie was a little ticked that the motorcycle wasn't impressed by his display of dominance. I, however, was holding onto his leash for dear life. It wasn't enough though and he launched himself onto the motorcycle and proceeding to sink his teeth into the nice leather seat and begin to chew. Now, I've often thought that Artie could be part shark. He likes to grab his toys and then shake them all around viciously. Fortunately, the motorcycle was too heavy for him to knock off balance. I managed to pull him off the cycle but he left a big pool of slobber all over the seat and one of the side bags. Oops. Needless to say, we hussled down the street before my neighboor could come to the door to see what all the noise was about.

Now, every time we walk by, I'm ready and he only gets through Attack Mode Alpha before I manage to drag him past the house. What a strange dog.

He has a big, bad bark that can be useful. When I walk him alone and at night, anytime someone starts to approach us that looks suspicious, I grab his collar and in between his barking, I begin chanting, "Not, yet... Not, yet..." It's kind of funny how all of a sudden they decide to cross the street.

Click here if you have some free time. Lots and lots of links to neat places. Thought it might interest you...

I have no idea what this is - very scary stuff.

Alright people, I need your help. I am looking for a book and so far I have been totally stumped. The author is Kristine Kathryn Rusch and the title is The Resistance. It was published back in 1998 and is book #4 in a Sci-Fi/Fantasy series. I even know the ISBN - 0-55357-7131. Now, I can find books 1-3 and 5 but book 4 is proving to be difficult. So I am giving you all a mission. Next time you are in a book store, take a peek for me. If you see it, grab it! It'll make my life infinitely easier....

Today my law clerk, Andy, tried to explain to me the concept of "Slacker Stress". He says he is currently suffering a severe case of this mysterious illness. According to Andy, this malady is caused by the following...

Slackers are, by their very nature, laid back. The dominant characteristic of a slacker is someone who kicks back and puts off work for another day. They are characterized as lazy, unmotivated, lethargic. And while this may be true, to a degree, Andy has informed me that in some cases, this lackadaisical attitude can develop into stress in the rare slacker.

It seems that after the slacking time is over, and crunch time hits, a huge wave of stress engulfs the poor slacker. Instead of starting his project on day one and working all week long, the slacker now finds himself up at 2am trying to cram a week's worth of work in 6 hours. Hence the stress.

In even more extreme cases, like Andy's, the stress may actually begin to build DURING the slacking. So while he sits on the sofa, drinking beer and watching football all day Sunday, there is a part of him which is also aware of what else he should be doing. Although his conscience is not strong enough to get him to turn off the tv and get to work, it does have enough strength to stress him out. The end result is a slacker who is slacking but stressed out at the same time. Knowing he is wasting time, knowing who much needs to be done, aware that he is falling into the same old trap of slacking but unable to break the cycle, the slacker is overcome by stress while slacking.

I am fascinated by this whole process. Andy says I should go here to learn more. I still think calling in sick due to "slacker stress" is a lame-ass excuse. Sorry Andy.

Alright, a new episode of Unemployed Theo for your viewing pleasure.

It's Kevin & Blitz.

Well, it looks like we have another documented case of "Slacker Stress". I have questioned Andy further and it appears this condition can be treated with large amounts of beer. Interesting.

Oh my goodness, this is too funny. According to this site, if I were a pirate, my name would be....

Mad Charity Roberts - Every pirate is a little bit crazy. You, though, are more than just a little bit. Two things complete your pirate persona: style and swagger. Maybe a little too much swagger sometimes -- but who really cares? Arr!"

Yup, that's me alright, stylish and crazy! If you get a good name, post it in the guestbook so we can all get a good laugh (or arrrgh, depending on ones taste...)

My all-time favorite comic strip ever. Man, I miss Opus.

Found this interview with Berke. Gotta love the internet.

Supposedly, Kevin has perfect vision. The eye doctor says no need for glasses and he doesn't squint or have problems reading. However, I suspect he suffers from a not-so-rare affliction called "guy looking".

Kevin will be rummaging in the kitchen at night looking for a midnight snack. I'll hear the fridge door open and within .2 seconds, Kevin will call out, "Chrissie, where are the left over ribs? I can't find them." Usually, I'll be somewhere else and have to yell back, "they're in there, keep looking". Now what I don't know is that Kevin is having an attack of "guy looking". This seems to occur most frequently when his head is in the refrigerator so I think the condition may be liked to sudden changes in temperature but this is just a theory.

"I can't find them! What did you do with them?" This is where things start to get ugly. Instead of leaving it neutral with the "I can't find them", Kevin has just upped the anty by accusing me of misplacing the ribs. Now, I assure you, our refrigerator is not that big. It only has 3 shelve which are clear so you can easily spot anything in there. At least I can.

By this time, Kevin is getting restless and I have to defend my honor so I have to stop what I'm doing, get up, walk into the kitchen, push him out of the way, and pick up the ribs that were right behind the water.

"Oh, why didn't you say they were behind something. I wasn't looking there." Like I know exactly where each piece of food is in the fridge.

In the interest of preserving our marriage, we have worked out a compromise. Kevin will spend .2 - .3 seconds looking on his own. At which point, he will give up and accuse me of moving/hiding/throwing away the item in question. In response, I will ask - "Are you guy looking?" If he says yes, I will take pity on him since he is obviously suffering from some sort of degenerative disease and walk over and point out the object which is sitting right in front of him. If he says no, then I tell him I have no idea where it is and let him mumble and grumble until he either finds it or admits he is guy looking. (One of the nasty side effects of this condition is an inability to admit fault/wrongness).

If anyone else knows of someone suffering from "guy looking", let me know. I'm curious how others are dealing with this horrible and debilitating disease.

Admit it Chrissie, you were hiding those ribs so I wouldn't eat them! I finally found them though, and they were very tasty :) - Kev

Chrissie is staying home tomorrow and being a bum. I have to work. This sucks.
I'm in the doghouse (with Artie) because I broke the car stereo and I burned our dinner tonight.
But Chrissie, the most wonderful wife on the planet, has forgiven me because I'm cute - and a dork. ;)